Why I’m Married and You’re Not Pt. 2

Hey!

Back with the second part of ‘Why I’m Married and You’re Not’!

When we last left off, I was giving some background info on what I did before I got married, the preparations that I made before I even said “I Do”. But this blog… I’m taking in a whole different direction 🙂

We as people have a lot of personal issues… can we just be real? We hold on too long to those we shouldn’t even be friends with, but we let go or mess up the ones who treated us right. It’s almost like we are afraid to be treated right. Sounds crazy, but it’s the truth. So I’m just going to be real with yall for a minute. Is that cool?

1) Stop Going Back. Now I could stop right there because in its simpliest form, we can see the meaning. Now I’m not talking about the more difficult situations where people are going through more than we can imagine, but I’m talking to the people who are going back just because they don’t want to be alone for a moment. I dealt with that too, and it was a hard point. I was in two awful relationships with people who verbally abused me, causing me to have to get myself together in the end… and I kept going back when I should’ve just stayed away! They are not and will not be the only people who ever like you or show you attention in your life. There are billions of people on the planet…. you WILL get someone better.

2) Stop Falling For the Randoms. Now YOU know who they are. They are simply people who we talk to in order to pass the time away. We don’t like them for real. In fact, they aren’t even that cute. They are simply there to fill a void and a space. They could be the guy you only call when you feel like playing hard to get. It could be that girl you only text when you want some. They are simply just a filler… like when you don’t know what to say and you start to say “umm” and “like”… They are a waste of your time, which is precious. Stop talking, texting, and sexing the Umms and Likes in your life. (lol)

3) Stop Thinking You Deserve The Worst. Yes, you may have issues. You may have a very ugly past. You have been a dog before. You’ve played with people’s hearts. You don’t have a lot of money. This may all be true and more, but you do not deserve the worst in a significant other. I believe that some people settle because they don’t feel like they will get anyone better based on who they are or their past. So a man may date a woman he doesn’t even like because he doesn’t think he can approach the woman he desires to have as a wife. A woman may continue to date a man who treats her bad because she doesn’t feel as if she’s worthy of being treated like a lady. But YOU ARE WORTH IT!

That’s all for now… I might have more later (lol)

Love you guys!

~The Mrs.

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The Newlywed Experience: Segment 4 “So We Can’t Break Up?”

Been gone for minute… Please forgive me! I lost my aunt, my husband lost his great aunt and his brother had an engagement party, PLUS I have tonsillitis and strep throat… JUST PRAY OUR STRENGTH!!!

So I’ll just lay it out there. My husband has been getting on my nerves. No it’s nothing new, just wanted to type it… and yes of course I’m getting on his too! I still love him, feel butterflies when I see him, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get on my nerves and I don’t get on his. No, I’m not the perfect angel. Though my blogs sometimes seem like there are no problems, there are.

Sometimes when I’m in my “pout mode” when he’s done something to get on my nerves, this little creep on the inside tries to creep up where I’ll think about breaking up with Quincy. Silly right? But it’s nothing more than my old ways trying to creep back up. When my boyfriends got on my nerves, I was quick to either create a plan to leave or to find someone else… what I use to call “One in the pocket”. Don’t laugh because you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about (lol) I was so use to just breaking it off when someone constantly got on my nerves that it became a habit, almost like second nature really. So now that I’m married, when that bug creeps up, I get a reality check. Marriage is NOT just another relationship. I can’t just break up with my Mr. I can’t tell him to leave my house. I can’t tell him that we need a break. I can’t tell him that it’s over. MARRIAGE is for life!

There is now a drastic reality that you cannot get out of marriage so easily as you can in a relationship. Many people think that because you’ve been in relationships for years that marriage will be super easy. But I disagree. See in the comfort of a relationship, you can chuck the deuces whenever you want to. You can tell the person to leave and still have your own space and all of YOUR stuff. In marriage, there is no easy way out. If you want to break up now, it’ll cost you some money and time, along with having to divide up assets and kids and all this other stuff. But if you already have the mindset that it won’t work, there’s no point in spending all this money for a wedding and all kinds of stuff just to get a divorce. Me and my Mr. Don’t believe in divorce… at all. Point blank period. Unless one of us does something super stupid, we’re in it til death because that’s the vow we made before God.

In reality, you KNOW if you want to spend forever with someone. I believe that many people stay in relationships for years because they aren’t ready to commit fully or because they really don’t want to be tied to that person forever. See in relationships you always have that escape plan of simply breaking up. You can always come up with some crappy reason why you want to leave, even if you’ve been together forever, you can still get out and be able to take all your stuff with you. In marriage, it’s not that easy. You have to explain how you went from “I want to spend forever and I love you” to “I don’t want to be with you anymore”. I’d imagine that it’s not that easy of a conversation to have, especially when there’s a whole family involved.

I write this blog not just as a segment, but as an informational to those of you in relationships thinking about marriage just because you’ve been together forever. Me and my husband weren’t together for a long time AT ALL before deciding to take that leap, but we knew that we knew that we KNEW that we wanted to spend forever together. A great relationship does NOT always pan out to be a great marriage. There are many ups and downs and twists and turns that can shake you up, especially if you’ve never lived together!! You thought you knew someone for real before… JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE!!

Marriage is NOT like a regular relationship. Relationships can have an expiration date, but Marriage is meant to last forever. 🙂

~The Mrs.

The Best Kind of Intimacy

I’m going to keep it PG-13 since I know I have family and people who watched me grow up reading (lol)

The Best Kind of Intimacy I’ve ever experienced has been with my husband/best friend/ride or die… hands down.

I don’t just say this from a sexual aspect, but from an emotional and spiritual one too. See, society has trained us to think SEX when we hear intimacy… but that’s not the definition! Merriam-Webster defines it as “something of personal or private nature”, which causes me to understand that it’s something close to me. I don’t share my feelings with everyone. I don’t share my thoughts and dreams with everyone. I don’t share my body with everyone. It’s something that means a great deal to me, which causes me to be very selective in who I share it with.

Before all this, I didn’t really have intimacy. I searched for it… looked for it… tried to MAKE it… but I never had real intimacy, where I felt that I could share my whole world with this person and not be played in the end. There were numerous events where I was just sharing everything from my body, to my emotions, and even my dreams, only to be left alone and hurting in the end. Situations and relationships that have that outcome causes us to build up walls to block others out so we don’t get hurt again. I had gotten to the point that I didn’t want intimacy or a great relationship, I just wanted the sex part of intimacy… which in reality was NOT intimacy, but simply a quick pleasurable moment that gave me the feeling of intimacy, but not the fulfillment I wanted and was trying to acquire.

It feels good to be able to cry, scream, curse (sometimes… pray my strength lol), laugh, and just share every part of me with my Mr. I don’t have to hold back anymore. I don’t have to be afraid of being left alone and hurt again. So many times we give away the innermost intimate parts of ourselves to strangers or people WE KNOW we won’t be with for long, and then have to spend time trying to replace the pieces that were given away to these strangers we hoped would care for us.

Being married has provided the best intimacy I could have asked for. I can open up freely and truly be myself. Being married causes you to find things out about yourself you didn’t even know existed. You get to talking to your spouse and about 10min in, you’ve discovered something new about you.

Making love is also a part of intimacy as well and is 1,099, 353, 232, 241, 234 better than any random person you’ve ever given your body to. There’s nothing like give more of yourself to the person you love and plan on spending forever with. You discover more things you like and dislike and you feel free to be yourself… and let’s be real… there’s nothing like being able to get it on a consistent basis from someone consistent.. It feels good not having to “con” your way into sexual relations. Yes it sounds horrible, but we do it. We try to flirt around, send out mass texts to see who’ll take the bait we dish out. Then we spend the next morning scrubbing our skin to try and get that scent off our bodies, then spend months and years trying to get it to stop playing over and over in your head, along with the guilty feelings. I know for me, I knew sex before marriage wasn’t right. So when I got involved with men, I would feel horrible the morning after, even in “committed” relationships. It feels GREAT to wake up and not feel shame and disgust, but only love and affection, and thankfully waking up next to someone and not asking ‘What did I just do?”

Spiritual intimacy between a man and a wife is something so special, sincere, and necessary. Yesterday I was discussing how I was feeling about some things dealing with God, and I just began to cry to my Mr. The pain, frustration, and anger I felt was released and I finally heard all the thoughts I had been thinking come to life. My husband took my hand and listened. When he spoke, there was nothing but words of encouragement, scripture, and a prayer over me, casting down things that were not like God and anything that hindered me. There’s nothing like feeling weak in a moment and your spouse asking “Do you want to pray?” or even checking you on a situation with the Word of God. Jesus means a lot to me, so being married to someone who feels the same passion I do for Christ means the world to me. Being able to experience the love of Christ from someone you’re married to is priceless. It’s a love we question at times because it’s so real and we are so jacked up that we can’t believe someone would love us like that. It’s a love we don’t have to change for. It’s truly unconditional.

This… is the best kind of intimacy.

~The Mrs.

Watch How You Talk To Me!!

Me and the Mr. have been making it a habit to stick to a Marriage Bible Study with YouVersion’s Bible App called One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans. Today we read from Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) which read;

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 

Jimmy Evans went on to explain how important it is to speak to your significant other in a more gentle, and calm tone than one that would let everyone know you all are having it out. He had a challenge at the end for the husband and wife to discuss better way to talk to one another and discuss ways they needed to improve. My Mr. and I have already had this conversation a few times about us watching how we talk to one another when we argue and even on a regular basis. Are we kind to one another in our words? Are we mindful of the other person’s feelings in the situation or do we just care about how we feel and just want to get our point across to prove we’re right?

We don’t realize how much power we have in our words when it comes to speaking to our significant others. Many times we’re the only positive input in their day. Think about a husband that goes to work everyday at an ungrateful place. All they hear all day is complaints and things they’re doing wrong. So when he gets home, he needs encouragement. He needs to be built up in some way. Women deal with the mental processing of having to be constantly compared to other women in the world. Her hair is either not long enough, too long, and she may wear too much or not enough make up, while not wearing the right clothing or having the best body. Women step outside and feel like we just walked onto a runway, where we’ll be judged for how we look to others. So when she gets home, she needs encouragement, as well as words to make her feel good. So many times as a spouse, we don’t pay as much attention as we should to how we talk to someone… when and how to say things…. how to just be encouraging.

Of course we may deal with a spouse who’s hard headed and doesn’t listen, or a spouse who does nothing to change when we say we’re upset, but we have to be mindful in our speech towards one another. When you get into a marriage or relationship, you’re making a commitment to care for this person. You’re saying to them “At the end of the day, you can come to me and I will take care of you.” “The world may not know how wonderful you are, but I do.” “I care about you.” But how often do we show that to the other person? How often do we tell the other person? How often do we show that, without having to say it, through our actions on a daily basis?

I challenge you to take the time to work on how you speak to your significant other. Even if you’re pissed off, talk to them how you’d like to be talked to and dealt with. Sometimes when pointing out the other person’s flaws, we forget that we have problems too. We forget that we’re not perfect. We forget that we can get on somebody’s nerves too. Take the time to be patient and monitor what you say to one another. Build each other up. Encourage one another. Take time to listen. I promise you’ll see a change in your relationship. 🙂

~The Mrs.

My Mr. Dancing for the Berea College Presidential Inauguration

I wanted to start sharing some personal and kinda fun things with you guys to give a little more insight into my life as a young wife… so here’s a small lesson along with a video to watch fo my amazingly taltented and handsome Mr.
Always be your boo’s #1 cheerleader. Even if its playing video games with his boys, soccer, cards, school, jobs, whatever. Let him know you care and you’ll be present to support them whenever… they need that 🙂
Without further ado, here’s my babe performing a swing dance with his Social Dance Class!! #proud