My Natural Hair Update: 8 months

My Natural Hair Journey!

I decided to do a natural hair update blog instead of video ūüôā

My natural hair journey has been just that… a journey. There have been many ups and few downs, but overall, it has truly been a pleasure.

A lot of my journey has been spent discovering what my hair can and cannot do. All the YouTube videos with naturalistas look amazing, but some of it just wasn’t me or didn’t work on me. I’m guessing that my hair type is a 4b, based on the curl pattern.

I’ve tried two protective styles; box braids and weave, both of which lasted no more than a month unfortunately. My sew-in had me all messed up because I didn’t use protective heat styling tools and so I had heat damage at the front of my head, which made me take my sew in ALL THE WAY OUT because I didn’t want to have to cut most of my hair because of heat damage and didn’t want to wear a hat everyday… and the ITCH was AWFUL! My hair was a little too short for box braids. Two weeks in, I had two braids falling out a day. Truth be told…. I missed my hair.

It has really been a blessing to see what comes out of my scalp without the chemicals. I had no clue I had curly hair. My mom has gorgeous curly hair, so I wondered if mine would be something like it and it is… just a little smaller and a few more kinks ūüôā

As you see in some of my pictures, I had blonde highlights put at the tips of my hair. It was great while it lasted, but honestly, I had a lot of breakage at the end of my hair when it started to grow out. It was dry and just not cutting it anymore. I had it for about 5 months and loved it. I still have some of the brown rinse that was placed on my hair with the blonde still in my hair and I love the color of it against my natural hair color which is a darker brown. After I took out my weave, I cut the blonde out completely so I could have cleaner and better looking ends.

My staple products of the moment are Shea Moisture Raw Shea Butter Moisture Retention Shampoo, As I Am Coconut Cowash, Cantu Shea Butter Leave-In Conditioning Repair Cream, Shea Moisture Coconut and Hibiscus Curl Enhancing Smoothie. I usually only wash on weekends and maybe cowash every 3-4 days. I’m in the process of learning how to maintain styles over a few days instead of just one.

I LOVE two strand twists. Last night I used perm rods and achieved this look:

Perm Rods Look!¬†…. which I LOVE!

Right now I’m just learning new things to do with my hair. My length is kinda awkward, but I’m learning to work with it the best I can.

Of course I’m praying for growth, but right now the back, the middle, and the left side are all 5 in. The top is 3 1/2 and the right side is 4 1/3. I’m proud of how much my hair has grown. I take biotin… when I remember (lol).

If you have any questions just post them below!!

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My Epiphany of Beauty

A few days ago, My Black is Beautiful was spreading the word about their search for My Black is Beautiful Ambassadors. I was excited and read through their Official Rules. Within the rules was the question “What is Beauty?”. I sat up and paused for a moment. I looked over at my Mr. and sparked up a conversation about what we thought beauty was. Of course his answer was intellectual and amazing (lol), but I couldn’t put into words what beauty was… and then as I started to answer, the words began to flow…

Beauty is the uniqueness of a person. It seemed to cliché of course, but at the same time, it has a new meaning.

After reading about the new OCD (Check out my blog about it!) being Obsessive Comparison Disorder, this epiphany about what beauty is took my mind on a different route. We sit and compare ourselves all day to someone else, envying and coveting who they are, what they’ve done and what they have, that our sadness and depression comes from not being them. The issue is that we disregard who we are to covet who they are, ignoring the fact that we have accomplishments, success stories, and so much more that we’ve done. We’ve forgotten about celebrating one another and owning who we are… our unique gifts to society.

Do you realize that there is no one else on this plant and that there will be no one else on the planet to look, talk, and walk like you do? There is no one who can travel the path you have traveled, endure the hardships you have endured, and tell your story like you can. You are unique. God wanted to do it that way because He knew through the different being He created on this planet, He could do different things. If we all looked alike and did the same things, what use would there be for differences?

Picture yourself in an audition room. They call your name. You walk up but they’re confused because you look just like the last person. There’s nothing to make you stand out from everyone else because everyone is trying to be everyone else. Some want to look like Beyonc√©. Some want to look like Nicki Minaj. Some want to look like Taylor Swift. Some want to be Jay-Z. Some want to be Trey Songz. But it seems like NO ONE wants to be themselves. Everyone wants to put together pieces of other people to represent themselves… and that is simply NOT YOU!

Who are you when all the influences from the outside world are taken away? If no one told you that you’re a good singer or dancer, would you even be doing it? What do you have to bring to the table? What we’re all trying to bring now has already been brought. We don’t want remakes, WE WANT ORIGINALS!

There is a reason that there are only 7 Wonders of the World. They each embody something that has never been seen or done before. It takes the breath away of those who lay eyes on it. It can’t be duplicated. People travel from all over the world to see them. People spend money to see them because they know that they will never see it anywhere else. The unique qualities about you is truly a wonder because it has never been seen or done before. But if we spend our time trying to mimic and be something else, we get looked over because “that’s been done before.”

There is beauty in the differences the we all have. There is beauty in your hair, your body, your voice, your talents, your gifts, your smile, your eyes… you are beautiful just the way God made you because He made NO ONE ELSE LIKE YOU. Embrace and enjoy the beauty in the uniqueness of others, then look at yourself and embrace your own.

~The Mrs.

Our Society Given Identity: Beauty

Today I spent most of it watching videos about people working to break society’s view on beauty. There was a particular video that caught my eye, which was one about a makeover and photo shoot done for a few women to give them the cover girl look. Their makeup and hair was done and the pictures were taken. Then a professional photoshop editor was brought in to create what the normal cover girl would look like. Many were made smaller, their skin lightened and airbrushed, and some of their “flaws” or unique characteristics were done away with such as freckles or bone structure. When the new photos were revealed to the women, they didn’t like them… because it wasn’t them. Their identity, in a sense, was taken away so they could be “beautiful”.

What is beautiful?

My kids at the YMCA have made statements referring to their beauty, thinking that because their hair isn’t long, or because they don’t have a different eye color, or clothes to wear, that they aren’t as beautiful. They want different names and different hair… when they are really some of the most beautiful young women I’ve ever seen.

On Monday, I had a similar issue. Last Saturday, I got a sew-in, which is basically having fake hair sew into my braided hair with some of my own hair left out to cover the tracks. (Google it if you need more lol) So from last Saturday to this one, I dealt with an itchy scalp, having to style this hair I now had, and having to work with my own hair to make it blend in with the fake hair. It was AWFUL! Then I discovered that I had damaged my own hair because of heat. I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I took it out. (No my husband was not mad lol) On Monday, my own hair wouldn’t act right and I felt ugly. I felt like I look like a Chia Pet with this curly hair just plopped on my head, short and just nappy looking. I’ve always had a pride about my hair. If it doesn’t look right, then I feel like I look crazy overall. I didn’t feel pretty. My clothes didn’t fit right because I had gained weight. I didn’t want to smile because I have more fat below my chin. My cheeks are too big. I just noticed everything that would make me ugly… but whose definition was I using?

I feel like everyone had an issue with comparing themselves to those who are placed before us. I feel like my cheeks are too big because when I look on television and on Facebook, the people who are getting a lot of attention are smaller in the face. I feel fat because I have some extra where society says I don’t need extra. It’s not because the doctor said I need to lose weight, but because of what society tells me is not okay… and they do it to everyone. When we look in the mirror, we not only see ourselves, but we see pictures around us of those who society has told us looks better that us. We see the women and men that people fantasize and make a big fuss over and we feel unwanted because we don’t look like them. People on magazine covers and on television are made to look like dreams while we sit at home and feel like nightmares.

But I’m tired of feeling like this yall… I really am. I’m sick of feeling less than because I’m not the dream woman. I sick of my fellow women, young girls, men, and young boys feeling less than because they don’t look like someone on TV or in the magazines that we see every time we go to the store. I’m tired of being made to feel like I need makeup or liposuction or no food because society has told everyone that without it, we’re ugly and fat and would never have a chance at being models or on a front cover or simply beautiful. I’m sick of thinking of the word beautiful and my own name not being associated with it.

And I’m not the only one.

I am Beautiful. Even if I’ve gained weight and have curly frizzy hair, and broad shoulders… and even if I have to fight to tell myself this every day, I’m up for the struggle.

Are you up for the struggle?

I challenge you and myself to not view ourselves in a mirror to simply compare ourselves to what we don’t look like, but to look in the mirror and appreciate what you see. It may be hard at first, but let’s work on getting to the point where we don’t need to compare ourselves to anyone else. So that when we are walking down the street, or log onto social media, or turn on the television, we don’t slip into a state of comparison and depression, but we appreciate them for who they are, recognizing that who they are and what they look like casts no shadow and hold no weight to what we look like.

We are Beautiful.

~The Mrs.

I Call My Husband Beautiful.

My favorite time of day is the night-time like most of the world. There’s something about the stillness and the time of simply pausing within yourself to reflect and rest. I love it even more because it’s the time of day I know that I have with my husband. I may see him throughout the day and for a few minutes in the morning, but at night, nothing is rushed and I am thankful because I know that he’ll be next to me. I love the moments that I look over at him and see the outline of his face as my mind fills in the rest of the image embedded in my mind and in my heart. I love when a small light shines from a phone or the button on the Wii that reveals his face to me a little more than before. It is in these moments I simply look at him and say “You are so beautiful.” Every time I do, he smiles shyly and whispers, “Thank You”.

The first few times I said it, I wondered if he thought I was weird. Heck, I wondered if I was weird. Calling him beautiful seemed weird at first because most women don’t call men beautiful, it’s normally the other way around. But for some reason, in those still, timeless moments, calling him beautiful was the perfect thing to do. It’s meaning went way beyond the outer appearance, but dealt with the inner man as well. As I look into his eyes in the still darkness, then let my gaze take in rapid shots of his face so I can internally remember and study them, Beautiful is what I think of.

When true beauty presents itself before you, uttering the words “Beautiful”, means a lot more than the outward appearance. Allowing yourself to take in everything about the object, moment, or person takes the word beautiful and sends it shooting to another level, causing that object, moments, or person to forever be a part of your life. It makes you daydream about it, realizing if there’s anything that could ever be compared to it. It makes you appreciate what lies before you. It humbles you when you realize that you didn’t have to experience or view it. Beautiful makes you take the time to appreciate what lies before you, causing you to look beyond the obvious and seek out the hidden secrets it may possess.

We’ve all said Beautiful on more than one occasion to something or someone involved in a temporary situation, that no doubt was in fact Beautiful. But those aren’t the moments that take our breath away, causing us to desire a few more moments in this place in time without interruption. That… is Beautiful.

Typing this, I’m excited to see my husband now (lol). Of course handsome, gorgeous, sexy, fine, etc., all work perfectly fine because he is indeed those things ; ) But when I call him beautiful, that word is meant to define his overall state from top to bottom, inside and out. He takes my breath away with one glance. My mind can’t help but think about him when I’m away from him, and even in his presence, I still take moments to think about the moments passed. His voice speaks to places no other man or woman can reach but Jesus. His touch reaches down into the very depths of my heart.

He is Beautiful.

My Mr.

~The Mrs.

Choose Wisely…

Hey All!!!

I was just on Twitter (@frommisstomrs) tweeting about making choices in relationships and the 140 characters weren’t enough… so I decided to write about it.

Every once in a while, my Mr. will do something that just gets on my nerves. Whether he says something rudely to me, whether he annoys me when I’m already irritated or just gets on my nerves period… which men do (I still love you Q! lol).

I have this issue within myself, which I’m sure many women do, where I can get mad, and I will stay mad for a while just because… I CAN (lol). My husband will call me out a few times and say “Allyson you just want to be mad!” and immediately I feel bad because he’s right. Sometimes I just want to have an attitude. I don’t know why… but I just do and I’ll keep having one until I don’t feel like having one again. Yeah it can and does put a damper in our time spent together and can make our house uncomfortable with¬†unnecessary¬†anger coming from me just cause I’m choosing to hold onto anger.

I began to realize that I really do have the choice to let things go and be okay. My husband can apologize a million times and I would still be mad for no reason besides I want to.

Relationships, with anyone, are about choices. Many times, we choose the selfish ways in situations. We choose what’s best for us and what will torture the other person so they feel how we feel. My husband laughs sometimes when I’m angry and won’t budge and says “So because you’re mad, the whole world has to be mad too huh?” and when I decide to stop having an attitude and want him to hold me he says “Oh… so because you’re in a good mood, everybody has to be in a good mood” and it made me laugh because he was calling out how selfish I was being.

Kevin Hart said in one of his stand up comedies to just laugh around your woman when she’s mad and she’ll get more upset because she doesn’t want you to be having fun when she isn’t. It’s true! We as women hate it!! We’re crazy and cannot be understood, and still our men love us. We as women however, need to stop making the job so hard.

Let’s just be real, sometimes we torture our men, make them feel bad and etc. because we just want them to. But that’s selfish of us as the woman of the relationship. Many times we as women can be selfish and run men away and wonder why? Because we didn’t choose wisely. We chose ourselves over someone else.

Being selfish is something that makes any relationship and friendship weak from the beginning. If you’re in it to do nothing but gain, then you’ve already doomed it to fail. If you’re in a friendship just to have someone to follow you around and help you out, then it’s become a dictatorship almost. If you’re in a relationship because they give you a great nut (yeah I said it), then the relationship is doomed to fail because one day that won’t feel as great anymore. If you’re in a relationship because they do what you want them to and cater to you and make you feel good, then it’s become all about you. Now of course having someone who does those things is great and can be important, but it cannot be your sole purpose for being with someone because when they fail at it, you’ll leave.

Entering into a relationship where you want to give more than¬†receive¬†is one that’s made to last. God says it’s better to give anyway! Because in giving… “I” become less important and “you” become the person who I want to take care of. Now many of us have been burned in the past where we gave and gave and got nothing in return, so we choose to become selfish because “that’ll never happen to me again”, but then you produce what you said you couldn’t stand. You just have to make the right choice in whom you’re going to give your all to. It’s nothing wrong with giving, but you have to be careful who you try to give it all too.

I am a witness that in previous relationships, I gave sometimes, but always expected more in return. I would give you some of me, but I expected all of you. I’d make little sacrifices for you, but only if you made bigger ones for me. I choose to be selfish enough where I wasn’t giving my all. But when the time was right, I was willing to give my all to prove that I cared and loved this person regardless. I discovered what real love and care was… it’s the kind you give without always expecting in return. I loved my Mr. before I knew he loved me in return. I use to be the type that didn’t say it unless you said it first because I refused to be hung out on a limb alone (lol) But when I knew I loved him, I told him and along with telling him let him know that he may not feel the same at that moment, but that wasn’t going to stop me from loving him anyways. There was nothing he could do to earn it, and nothing he could do to make it go away… which is how Christ’s love is for us. We were sinners, yet He died for us anyways. We didn’t love Him, but He choose to love us¬†in spite¬†of us.

It all comes down to a choice. You can choose to love someone purely, or choose to base it on stuff…. which doesn’t last. You can choose to have an attitude all day about something silly, or you can choose to grow up and let the attitude go and love instead. You can choose to be treated badly in a relationship, or you can choose to let it go and be with someone who will treat you right.

Choose Wisely…

 

~The Mrs.