Why Do You Do What You Do?

Isaiah 29:13 AMP

And the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near Me with their mouth and honor Me with their lips but remove their hearts and minds far from Me, and their fear and reverence for Me are a commandment of men that is learned by repetition [without any thought as to the meaning]

Why do you do what you do when it comes to God? Or even when it comes to your family, friends, spouse, and even yourself?

Is most of what you do or partake in because of something you learned and did because the person in front of you or on the television said was the right thing to do?  Did you run it by God to see if He even likes that? 

Think about the cliché phrases we use in church. “Praises go up,  blessings come down”. We sit around quoting it like it’s the Word and it isn’t!  But we keep quoting it in our sermons because the preacher before us did.

What we say and do has become the norm in our churches and our lives… but only because we’ve been told it was the right thing to do AND because its what has always been done.

Within my generation, I hope to break down some of the religious repetition in our churches that brings NO FRUIT to the body of Christ. It’s time that we stopped the foolishness in the church. Its not saving anyone nor is it bringing any of our peers in our generation to Christ. Let’s stop being churchy for 5min to discuss the condition of our souls and our churches. We are the ones who have to carry the church on after our pastors and leaders die or retire. We honor and respect them for all they did,  but we’re being called to go HIGHER!
God is calling us higher! He wants to do MORE in our lifetime. More experiences, more miracles, signs, and wonders. Let’s break the cycle and move into the NEWNESS of God!

Psalm 40:3 AMP

And He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many shall see and fear (revere and worship) and put their trust and confident reliance in the Lord. [Ps. 5:11.]

Married Life > Promiscuous Life

As I stated on my website, I would start to discuss this a little more because it’s an area of my life I tripped up and messed up the most, but Glory to God I’ve learned so many lessons and now I want to help someone else out that may be headed in the same direction.

I use to be caught up in the “New Day, New Dude” scene (not literally lol) and I enjoyed it at times. To sit up and try to act brand new like my crazy life wasn’t fun would be a LIE. There were plenty of times I had a BALL in the club, drunk, and flirting around with guys to see who’d bite the bait. So SN: If any Christian tries to tell you that life wasn’t fun, 95% of them may be lying. I say 95% because some people force themselves to do it to only fit in for a short period of time, knowing they hate it.

Flirting around was fun. Having random cute guys come up behind you and dance with you for 3 or 4 songs and then flash a smile when you turn around to face one another and exchange numbers. It was fun. Now for me, the daring moments when you sleep with someone you haven’t known more than 24 hours was NOT fun. Even getting to the place where you slept with someone and you didn’t even for real LIKE them wasn’t fun. That “morning after” feeling where the shame kicks in and the guilt kicks in… then of course for us women, the question “What if I’m pregnant?” kicks in like an automatic response to having sex with anyone… even kissing makes us nervous! (Sounds drastic, but it’s real!) Then of course the concern if you caught something, regardless if you wore a condom or not… it just was NOT fun.

It’s not fun to sleep with someone random who you had a mini crush on for a night, then try to scrub off the scent the next morning. It’s not fun to give up the goods, thinking they’ll like you more, to only find out that they life you less or didn’t like you at all. It’s not fun to give up your body to someone who has no idea how to treat you the next day, let alone for the rest of your life.

I was getting in bed with my Mr. the other night and I just laid on his chest and EXHALED. The comfort in knowing he isn’t going anywhere made me feel amazing in those few seconds. See I’ve realized that with your spouse, you can go to the club, dance the night away, maybe even have a few drinks… but the difference is that you don’t have to CONVINCE or CON your spouse to come home with you. Honey at the end of the night, you KNOW where they’re going and when you wake up in the morning, you don’t regret ANYTHING you did. You can go home, kick off your shoes, take off your clothes, and act a FOOL, and be able to LET GO and EXHALE.

I don’t care what anyone says. When you’re just sleeping around with random people, you can never be your full self. There’s always some part in you that holds back because you never want to give it all away. You never want to fully let go and act a fool, but also get attached and be in the moment. In marriage, there are no bars, no restraints, no nothing. You can mentally, physically, and emotionally get involved with the person you’re ONE with. There will be times you’ll want to almost be their skin just so you can be so close to them. WHEW!! (LMBO)

There is nothing like the security of knowing you don’t have to scan the dance floor and find a victim so you won’t be alone that night. There’s nothing like not having to regret and repent for what you did that night. There’s nothing like real love… true love. Lust can seem like love because it’s temporarily the replacement for love…until lust reveals its true self.

To all my single folk, this post is not to tell you to stop having fun, but it is to inform you that there is something better for you out there. You don’t have to keep living your life from night to night, trying to find the “One” or whatever the next best thing is. You don’t have to keep crying yourself to sleep thinking about the shameful things you did. You don’t have to keep trying to fill that void of loneliness by empty nights of sex with someone you don’t even know and possibly might not ever know. Don’t let the movies get you confused. Sex does not always reveal love… point blank. You’re not going to make love that night and then fall in love holding each other, and then be hooked for the rest of your life.

It’s time to be free from all those empty nights and shameful feelings because they aren’t doing anything but hurting you more when it’s time to be alone… trust me, I’ve been there and it’s not fun… AT ALL.

Start to take better care of yourself and set higher standards for yourself. Having trouble? Pray about it… that’s what I did. I still messed up at times. Still had sex before marriage. It’s hard to give up and let go of… I know. But you can do it. 🙂

~The Mrs.

Asking For Too Much?

List of Demands

On my Chronicles of a Young Wife Facebook Page, someone asked the question “Is there such thing as having standards that are set too high?” A lot of women in particular ask this same question when they’re a part of the dating scene. I know I did a few times while I was a single woman. But I realized that the standards I set were really high. Now that in no way says that they cannot be met, but there’s a slim to no chance that you’ll get everything on your list of “wants”. Having high standards is NOT a bad thing because you should never lower your standards just to be “happy”, but sometimes those “standards” can get out of hand and unreasonable. They become a list of demands!

I personally made a “Man of God” list, made up of everything I wanted. He had to be between a certain height, have a certain body type, have at least 2 degrees, be a pastor/minister/prophet or something along those lines, be a prayer warrior,  be a sex god, and a certain age and have good hair with a nice smile. My “Man of God” list was made up as a scorecard, where I would give him points in the areas he had achieved. It…was…ridiculous. He would’ve had to been a model/preacher/stripper/doctor… all at one time. I was asking for things that I myself did not accomplish or possess. I was asking for too much… but I was also asking out of want and not out of need. Of course I need a God-fearing man, but I also needed a man who was balanced as well, not someone who’s too Heaven bound to be any earthly good as people say. But I was creating this list out of desires of my flesh, not out of desire for what God wanted for me and already had for me.

In prayer with a friend, God revealed to her that I needed to remake my list… and when I remade it to include God in the decision process for what I needed. This time, I sat down with the bible and decided to study all of the scriptures that talked about what a husband should be to a wife. There are countless stories of some hard-core, ride or die type marriages in the bible. Though some things were jacked up, many stuck it out to the end.

As I read scriptures, I read in Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) where it states “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” So me understanding that I am a part of the church as a whole (not the building, the body of people), I was able to relate and ask God for a man who would love me like He does. I sat down and began to write down all that Jesus is to me. Friend, Lover of my soul, patient, forgiving, etc. because these were the things that I deserved as a wife. It’s like when a woman who’s spoiled is taken care of by her dad as a child, teen, and so on. She wants a man that can do the same and more because if he can’t, she’ll just go back to her dad and he’ll provide. I have the love of Christ with me everyday of my life. Why would I want someone who wants to and chooses to love me less than that? My desire became to gain the love of Christ in my marriage, and I got just that.

I didn’t put a whole lot of physical demands out there, though I did figure that since Jesus walked around a lot, he had to be fit (LMBO), but I knew that God knew what I liked. So many times we think that when we just say “God I give up my desires for You”, He’s going to just give us mess in return… but God ain’t crazy. God knew I loved a killer smile and a nice back with some nice shoulders, and I got just that, along with a best friend and lover of my soul whose patient, understanding and loves me for who I am. God knows you have to spend the rest of your life with this person. If someone is way out of your “type” or what you’re attracted to, He knows that would cause you to look and dream about someone else in bed at night. God is not slow nor is He crazy. He knows us backwards and forwards.

In conclusion:

  1. Stop asking for things that only one man in the world can possibly do.
  2. Stop asking for things that you yourself don’t possess. You can’t demand he have a nice car and you have a bike…
  3. Stop always focusing on wants. They can and will change like you do, and even when you get them, you’ll still want something more. But needs don’t change. When you get what you need, there’s a fulfillment involved.
  4. Understand that a man has to love you like Jesus loves you, or at least have the desire to learn to love you that way. Don’t go for someone who wants to love you in a mediocre way, making no sacrifices or changes. Jesus died for his bride the church. You deserve someone striving to mirror the love of Christ for you.
  5. God doesn’t take your desires and smash them to the ground. He just takes them, involves purpose and more of Him, and when they’re given back, they have a touch of what you love, mixed with more of your needs, your purpose and especially Him.

~The Mrs.

Happy “It Happened On The Second Round” Day!!

Sounds silly right?!?!

Today actually marks the 1 year anniversary that I’ve actually KNOWN my Mr. Sounds crazy right? (lol) We know it is.

The title of the day is one I picked from a silly but cool song we wrote one day just walking to the store. If you’ve met me and Quincy, you know the meaning.

When Quincy and I first had an encounter, he was mean to me. I saw him in Macy’s at Fayette Mall in Lexington, KY. We were both in the men’s section; he was just browsing and I was with 2 other friends. It was a
Sunday so I recognized him from church. So if you know me, I can be a little loud and on 10 sometimes. So I looked over and said “Hey Man of God” and he looked up with a surly look and said “hey”. I was pissed! Here I am giving you a nice warm welcome and you give me THAT!?!

I swore I would never speak to him again lol

The second round (hence the name lol) we were at church and he was a greeter. I was standing in front of the table and he came around and decided to speak to me. A friend of ours came up and said “Quincy, you still with that girl?” and he said no. He asked was I single and I said yes. He said “Quincy meet Allyson, Allyson meet Quincy” and we both looked at each other and said “You don’t want these problems” and then named off 10 things we sucked at in relationships… but obviously we didn’t heed the warnings (lol). A week or two later, I caught myself thinking of him before bible study. I said “God, if its okay, let him speak to me. You open the door.” and I let it go walking into bible study. That same night, I was walking out the door, guess who had sent me a message on FB?

That, ladies and gents, was April 2nd.

I love you Mr. Robinson.
:sings: It happened on the second round
second round,
it happened on the second round

~The Mrs.

Review of Temptation by Tyler Perry

Temptation

Riding on the freeway with my Mr. from seeing the movie Temptation by Tyler Perry. Decided to share my thoughts.

First let me say that Kim Kardashian is not the best at acting… in my opinion, all she had to do was play herself in the movie and she wasn’t that great at it… identity crisis? JK lol I don’t know that girl but I’ll give her a C- for attempt.

It was funny when it first came on. It kinda reminded me of and The Mr. and I and our fun times being silly together for a moment. We haven’t been married 6 years like them though lol

A lot of people don’t like Tyler’s movies because it seems to speak the same message a lot of times. Woman gets lonely, gets a man, life seems to get better. This time is was a married woman, so it was changed up a little. There was some abuse and drugs and foul play in a relationship. I’ll be honest. I sometimes get tired of that same ol story that keeps being told. Though I’m married now, as a woman, a man was not always the answers to my problems. Of course God is involved in all his movies, which I love. The fact that he’s no ashamed to use the name Jesus, not in vain terms or to be surprised, but in it’s correct terms makes me happy. He does tell some real life stories… they just seem to all have the same underlying message: Angry women need God and a man and their life will be easier… and there are still good men out there too 🙂 I would know, I married one of the few left :cheeses: 😀

Ok so back to the movie. I can appreciate the reality of the movie and how easy it is for some people to creep. I definitely cheated in my previous relationships, whether mentally, physically, or emotionally… I cheated. (SN: Sorry to any exs who read this 😦 ) Of course I sat in the theater and thought “I can’t see myself doing that to my husband” but of course the girl in the movie had to have thought the same thing! That was her life long sweetheart! Life was great… til something better came along and challenged her way of living and of “love”.

I’m definitely a fan of Jurnee Smollett-Bell. I’ve loved seeing her in movies and things my mom showed me when she was a small girl. Her transition into womanhood has been nice to see over the years and I think she’s a pretty good actress and freaking gorgeous! #teamlightskin LMBO jk jk

I believe the reality of cheating that was displayed made a lot of sense in the movie. I believe it was scripted pretty well. I think the fight scene could’ve been a little longer, a little more dramatic… and of course I thought Brandy needed to sing something… DUH (lol). All it takes it a little mental temptation, and the enemy takes it from there. The other guy always knows what to do. What to accomplish that your man/woman isn’t. It always seems to happen when things aren’t going great in your relationship too! Of course her husband would forget her birthday and the other man would send a few bouquets of roses! It’s perfect timing. Of course he would tell her that she needed to start her own firm immediately after her husband said to wait a few years. Perfect timing! Then to wine and dine her, fly her on a private jet, give her a few drinks since she never drank… PERFECT… but temporary as we saw in the movie.

One thing I’ve realized about cheating is that we go off the temporary emotions and seem to put them above the longevity and security we have in our marriages and long lasting relationships. Temporary is always tempting because it’s what we need in that moment. The week our boo isn’t showing enough attention is the week someone else decides to. We feed into that temporary pleasure of cheating because for that moment, it seems worth so much more. Sex on a plane seemed more important than the man she was married to for 6 years and spent her whole life with. Great sex was more important than coming home to a man who knew the ins and outs of his wife. Yeah he was wrong for forgetting her birthday for the second year… I’d be pissed too. But things happen, and they’re temporary.

The love I have for my husband is eternal. I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him before friends, family, and God. I know the love he has for me is real. He chose to stay with me out of all the other women in the world he could’ve been with. He opens doors. He’s a math and education major. He’s a country boy with a gorgeous smile, intelligent, fun, sweet, and a true gentleman, even on his bad days. He loves to learn new things about how I operate. He loves to make me smile. He spends time with me. Takes care of me. Love Him some Jesus and can preach/teach a little. He’s an amazing man and based on my past, I don’t deserve Him and I thank God for this gift He’s given to me.

See so many times we let our small problems in our relationships outweigh the amazing things about our significant others. It’s definitely easy to let the things they’ve done outweigh the present issue, but just like the lust you may feel for someone else, it’s temporary. You’ll be mad today and maybe tomorrow, but that next day, you’ll be kissing and loving again and recognizing what an amazing person you have by your side, and we as women especially know how fickle we can be with our emotions!

Don’t focus on temporary pleasures. They can only keep you happy for a certain amount of time. If someone can buy your love, it wasn’t really worth it from the beginning. Love is a choice to give and a choice to keep giving when YOU want to give it. If it can be bought with clothes, money, trips, etc, it’s false, fake, and can be traded in at any time or taken back at any time. Real Love is a choice. Don’t make it a quick choice. Don’t just throw it around as some play thing. I use to do that. It makes you forget what real love is, so when you say it, you don’t even really know what it means, and God forbid your outlook on love is skewed based on family issues and bad relationships.

Go for real love. Keep real love close. Forget about the temporary crap. Let Love Bring You Home.

~The Mrs.

6 Learned Lessons in Marriage

Hello All!!

I decided to post up today some things that I’ve learned thus far in my marriage of almost 3 months (lol). Of course I’m still in the Honeymoon stage of marriage, but there are really some things I’ve learned that I know are foundations to help us continue to build on our marriage. So… here are 6 🙂

Click the Circles Below!!!

~The Mrs.

The Constant Comparison… JUST BE YOU!

Why do we compare ourselves to others? Why do we sit around on FaceBook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., just to compare our lives to someone else’s life/looks/income/accomplishments/etc.? Why do we torture ourselves, where we constantly call ourselves failures because someone else is living “the life”?

I had to ask myself these questions yesterday as I sat up on Instagram viewing pictures of other young ladies who were “living the life”. Look gorgeous, go out all the time with friends, great jobs, popular, you name it, they had it. In the midst of looking at them, it made me look at myself and begin to compare who I was to who they were. Questions and statements began to flood my mind. “She’s so pretty. She’s prettier than me. Look at how many people like her pictures in comparison to mine. What does she have that I don’t? Why can’t I look like that? What could I do to look like that? What did she do that I didn’t do? Is it too late for me to not do that? She has it all, what do I have? Maybe I’m a failure and she’s successful.” Then the judgmental and prideful thoughts come about. “Well I’m married, and she sleeps around. She probably doesn’t like herself. She probably uses all that makeup to cover-up how ugly she really is on the inside. She probably hates herself. She isn’t submitted to God and I am, so I shouldn’t envy her. She has to search for men to like her and I’m married.”

Yeah it’s horrible I know, but please don’t act like I’m the only one. Whenever we see someone doing better than us, these questions and many more flood our minds. We put ourselves down, but then to build ourselves back up, we put them down in our minds. I KNOW I’m not the only one who does it, but I’ll go ahead and be the first one to speak up about it.

For the next 10min, I sat sulking and comparing myself to this young lady. I found almost everything I could about her that made me suck. Then I searched for everything about her that made me better than her, just to make me feel better and heal some of the wounds I had just given myself. It’s like mentally I became a cutter in that moment. I didn’t like me for that moment because she was better than me. How many times do you sit up on these social networks just to see how much better someone is than you are? How much prettier someone is… how much more money a person has… how better off someone is. We do the same things watching television as we watch reality TV shows, and aspire to be like them because we’re unsatisfied with our own lives and we’d rather sit around and mope about it than do something with it.

Why do we choose to torture ourselves with comparison? One that self-degrades us and makes us feel horrible about who we are. No wonder we can’t find confidence in ourselves, we end up being the ones that break ourselves down. You don’t ever find yourself attractive because you find everyone else attractive, and because you don’t have what they have, you deem yourself ugly, or do everything in your power to look like them in some way, shape, or form so you can feel attractive. You were tighter clothing, you wear flashier name brands, you put 0n more make-up, wear more revealing clothing, and become a completely different person than who you started out to be. We’d rather be admired as someone else, than truly loved for who we really are.

So many of us, including myself are afraid to be US. We see the reactions when we put a little bit of the real “US” out there, and when it’s not taken a nicely as we would like, we hide it again. When the real “US” doesn’t get as much attention or recognition, we put on another face. We act as if we’re in a costume shop, trying on different masks and asking people which one they like best. We become different people for different surroundings so the different surroundings can like us, then at the end of the day, we glance in the mirror and wonder who we are.

Society makes us believe that being who you want to be is wrong. We’re supposed to be who SOCIETY wants us to be, so we can be shaped and molded by their hands instead of the hands that made us from the beginning, which is God of course 😉 We allow people who don’t even know us or care to know us to shape our very being into someone we don’t really want to be. Majority of us don’t want to be party girls or alcoholics or sleep around, we want to have sustaining relationships and keep our purity and innocence, but because society deems that as lame or because we feel as if we’re not worthy of it, we just give it all away and let society do the shaping.

We’re afraid to be ourselves because we’ll lose friends and lovers and no one will understand. That’s very true. Many people will not want to learn about the real you, including the friends you have today. Many won’t want to put forth the extra effort to learn who you really are and many won’t like the real you. But there will be people who love the real you. Who cherish the real you. Who don’t want you to be anything else but yourself because who you are is who they love. I’m a witness that there will be people who will love the real 100% you. My husband was one of the first. He didn’t judge me on who I was, didn’t require me to be something I wasn’t, but simply fell in love with Allyson, and no one else. It was hard for me to express who I really was to others for a while. Many people got shut out because when I did try to show a glimpse of the real me, it was immediately shut down because they were use to the masks I had put on for so long. Many people will prefer the mask over the real you. It will hurt, but it’s only for your good.

There will always be someone you think is prettier than you. There will always be someone you think is better than you, smarter than you, more successful than you… But that’s them. That’s their road and their life.

You were fearfully and wonderfully designed to be you and no one else. Learn and mature to the place that you not compare beauty, but appreciate it. You appreciate someone else’s success instead of making it about you and what you’re not doing…. and if you know you’re not doing anything… then do something about it! Society teaches us to be jealous and to always strive to be better than someone else. But what about appreciating someone else’s work and success and using it as a positive influence for you to work harder at who YOU are to get to the places YOU are destined to be in.

There will NEVER be another you. No one can do the things YOU can do. They can try, but it will never be a great as it is when YOU do it. They can give the same speech, but it won’t be as effective if it doesn’t come from you… and vice versa. Stop trying to be someone you’re not because you won’t be successful at it. You can’t make an android phone an iPhone… period. You will always fail at trying to be something you’re not. It may seem successful and may get you pretty far… but you’ll never be a better someone else. That person will always be better at being them than you’ll ever be. You’ll never be able to get their makeup right, their hair right, their life right because it’s NOT YOURS. GET YOUR OWN LIFE AND LOVE IT! APPRECIATE IT!

BE THE BEST YOU YOU CAN BE!!

~The Mrs.