Why do we compare ourselves to others? Why do we sit around on FaceBook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., just to compare our lives to someone else’s life/looks/income/accomplishments/etc.? Why do we torture ourselves, where we constantly call ourselves failures because someone else is living “the life”?
I had to ask myself these questions yesterday as I sat up on Instagram viewing pictures of other young ladies who were “living the life”. Look gorgeous, go out all the time with friends, great jobs, popular, you name it, they had it. In the midst of looking at them, it made me look at myself and begin to compare who I was to who they were. Questions and statements began to flood my mind. “She’s so pretty. She’s prettier than me. Look at how many people like her pictures in comparison to mine. What does she have that I don’t? Why can’t I look like that? What could I do to look like that? What did she do that I didn’t do? Is it too late for me to not do that? She has it all, what do I have? Maybe I’m a failure and she’s successful.” Then the judgmental and prideful thoughts come about. “Well I’m married, and she sleeps around. She probably doesn’t like herself. She probably uses all that makeup to cover-up how ugly she really is on the inside. She probably hates herself. She isn’t submitted to God and I am, so I shouldn’t envy her. She has to search for men to like her and I’m married.”
Yeah it’s horrible I know, but please don’t act like I’m the only one. Whenever we see someone doing better than us, these questions and many more flood our minds. We put ourselves down, but then to build ourselves back up, we put them down in our minds. I KNOW I’m not the only one who does it, but I’ll go ahead and be the first one to speak up about it.
For the next 10min, I sat sulking and comparing myself to this young lady. I found almost everything I could about her that made me suck. Then I searched for everything about her that made me better than her, just to make me feel better and heal some of the wounds I had just given myself. It’s like mentally I became a cutter in that moment. I didn’t like me for that moment because she was better than me. How many times do you sit up on these social networks just to see how much better someone is than you are? How much prettier someone is… how much more money a person has… how better off someone is. We do the same things watching television as we watch reality TV shows, and aspire to be like them because we’re unsatisfied with our own lives and we’d rather sit around and mope about it than do something with it.
Why do we choose to torture ourselves with comparison? One that self-degrades us and makes us feel horrible about who we are. No wonder we can’t find confidence in ourselves, we end up being the ones that break ourselves down. You don’t ever find yourself attractive because you find everyone else attractive, and because you don’t have what they have, you deem yourself ugly, or do everything in your power to look like them in some way, shape, or form so you can feel attractive. You were tighter clothing, you wear flashier name brands, you put 0n more make-up, wear more revealing clothing, and become a completely different person than who you started out to be. We’d rather be admired as someone else, than truly loved for who we really are.
So many of us, including myself are afraid to be US. We see the reactions when we put a little bit of the real “US” out there, and when it’s not taken a nicely as we would like, we hide it again. When the real “US” doesn’t get as much attention or recognition, we put on another face. We act as if we’re in a costume shop, trying on different masks and asking people which one they like best. We become different people for different surroundings so the different surroundings can like us, then at the end of the day, we glance in the mirror and wonder who we are.
Society makes us believe that being who you want to be is wrong. We’re supposed to be who SOCIETY wants us to be, so we can be shaped and molded by their hands instead of the hands that made us from the beginning, which is God of course 😉 We allow people who don’t even know us or care to know us to shape our very being into someone we don’t really want to be. Majority of us don’t want to be party girls or alcoholics or sleep around, we want to have sustaining relationships and keep our purity and innocence, but because society deems that as lame or because we feel as if we’re not worthy of it, we just give it all away and let society do the shaping.
We’re afraid to be ourselves because we’ll lose friends and lovers and no one will understand. That’s very true. Many people will not want to learn about the real you, including the friends you have today. Many won’t want to put forth the extra effort to learn who you really are and many won’t like the real you. But there will be people who love the real you. Who cherish the real you. Who don’t want you to be anything else but yourself because who you are is who they love. I’m a witness that there will be people who will love the real 100% you. My husband was one of the first. He didn’t judge me on who I was, didn’t require me to be something I wasn’t, but simply fell in love with Allyson, and no one else. It was hard for me to express who I really was to others for a while. Many people got shut out because when I did try to show a glimpse of the real me, it was immediately shut down because they were use to the masks I had put on for so long. Many people will prefer the mask over the real you. It will hurt, but it’s only for your good.
There will always be someone you think is prettier than you. There will always be someone you think is better than you, smarter than you, more successful than you… But that’s them. That’s their road and their life.
You were fearfully and wonderfully designed to be you and no one else. Learn and mature to the place that you not compare beauty, but appreciate it. You appreciate someone else’s success instead of making it about you and what you’re not doing…. and if you know you’re not doing anything… then do something about it! Society teaches us to be jealous and to always strive to be better than someone else. But what about appreciating someone else’s work and success and using it as a positive influence for you to work harder at who YOU are to get to the places YOU are destined to be in.
There will NEVER be another you. No one can do the things YOU can do. They can try, but it will never be a great as it is when YOU do it. They can give the same speech, but it won’t be as effective if it doesn’t come from you… and vice versa. Stop trying to be someone you’re not because you won’t be successful at it. You can’t make an android phone an iPhone… period. You will always fail at trying to be something you’re not. It may seem successful and may get you pretty far… but you’ll never be a better someone else. That person will always be better at being them than you’ll ever be. You’ll never be able to get their makeup right, their hair right, their life right because it’s NOT YOURS. GET YOUR OWN LIFE AND LOVE IT! APPRECIATE IT!
BE THE BEST YOU YOU CAN BE!!