New Website! New Book!

Hello everyone!!
Things have really been on the move these past few months!
First and foremost, I wrote a book! Check out the cover:

image

Yes. The title is exactly what you read (lol).
I’ve started my journey as a speaker, author, and gradually working towards becoming an empowerment and purpose coach. So do me a BIG favor….

1. Go to allysonarobinson.com and check out my blog over there, as well as the website itself! 
2. Like my page on Facebook Allyson A. Robinson
3. Share share share the material! The book will be released August 6, 2015 so I want as many women as we can reach to check it out!

Thank you so much!

Allyson

How to REALLY be NEW in the New Year

We all know the usual sayings.

“This year, I’m going to be a whole new person.” 

“This year, I’m acting brand new”

We’ve all said it. We’ve all made plans on New Year’s Eve to be brand new in the New Year. Then the second week comes in January and we’re back to the same old tricks, talking to the same old people, making the same old mistakes. It happens. Why?

We use our own strength and ability to try to be “new” The issue is that when we use our own strength to try and undo what we’ve done for so long, we fail. Some of the habits we’ve created and gotten wrapped up in have become who we are. Whether it’s smoking, hanging with the wrong type of people, getting drunk, or sleeping around, those habits and ways of life were not created overnight. They formulated themselves over time. So it will take more than our strength and ability to get us out of the mess we’ve put ourselves in. If all we needed was our strength to make it through and become new when we wanted to, we wouldn’t have to make the same declaration every year. We need Jesus. There I said it. 🙂

We’ve got to get to the point where we get sick of going through the same cycles over and over again.

Don’t we get tired of crying the same ol’ tears? Don’t we get tired of going through the same issues and saying the same things over and over? Why do we want to keep going through the same things all the time? We obviously can’t do it alone because we keep having the same problems!

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 

~ 2 Corinthians 5:17

Notice how this scripture talks about being new! We all say we want to be new, and here it is. We become new creatures. All the old is gone and everything becomes new! But the first part of the scripture says “If any man be in Christ” That means that Christ is in the equation for us to be new creatures.

I know that from my past issues with lust and fornication, I couldn’t have done it without Christ. Why? Because it was something my body liked to do. It was something I liked to do. But when I started praying for His grace and mercy, His strength came into the equation and my life changed. I became brand new! But I didn’t and couldn’t have done it without Him.

So if you’re struggling or within a cycle you want to get out of, or if you’re simply trying to be brand new for the new year, add Christ to the equation and watch how Christ works.

Don’t believe me, just watch 🙂

~Ally

The New OCD: Obsessive Comparison Disorder

If you haven’t already read her blog on the Huffington Post website, I’m sure you soon will. J.N. Salters has a new blog post called “My 20s Weren’t Supposed to Be Like This: Getting Through the Quarter-Life Crisis”. She gives us a brief insight into what 25 looks like (an age I’ll be hitting this mid-July). Basically it sucks in so many words (lol) She mentions something that stuck out to me called the new OCD- Obsessive Comparison Disorder. Crazy right? Too bad majority of us have it… including me.

OCD- Obsessive Comparison Disorder is a term coined by Paul Angone from his book “101 Secrets For Your Twenties” to describe “our compulsion to constantly compare ourselves with others, producing unwanted thoughts and feelings that drive us into depression, consumption, anxiety and all-around discontent. It encourages us to stay up late on Facebook pouring through all 348 pictures of our frenemies’ “My Life is Better Than Yours” album, and then it sends us to bed wondering why we feel so anxious.” (Angone, 2013; Read More…) Sound familiar?

Now of course I’ve already written about this in a previous blog (Read Here), but after reading Salters’ blog, I felt the need to talk about it again, but this time offer suggestions on a home remedy for this disorder that is causing us to:

1) Feel depressed about our own lives

2) Cause gaps and separation within our relationships with people

3) Discourage ourselves before we even start

4) Causing us to shop and spend money we don’t have and eat food we don’t need, to only turn around and feel bad about ourselves again when we see our friend in a two piece bathing suit or wearing a fitted shirt that we wouldn’t dare try to wear because of our Santa bellies

Home remedy #1: Take A Hiatus from Social Media: I just got back from a Social Media Hiatus for a month and it felt great because I wasn’t somewhere self-torturing myself looking at everyone else! Trust me, the world is not going to fall apart if they don’t know every thing you’re doing and eating. Your friends will not die if they don’t know what you had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. YOU will not die if you don’t tell the world your opinion on the dress you saw this woman wearing at Wal-Mart. When I took a break, I noticed that I didn’t care as much about stuff as I did when I felt the need to update on social media.

Home remedy #2: Celebrate Others: Now I don’t mean be fake and make yourself happy for someone. I think one of our issues as people is that we don’t celebrate other’s accomplishments, but choose to get angry because we aren’t where they are. Then we find the flaws in their accomplishments to make ourselves feel better. STOP! It’s okay that he/she got engaged. Maybe she was ready for that. If someone gave you a ring today, you might not be ready! It’s great that she got a new job… but that’s her job! You have your own job! You have your own life! I’ve learned that I cannot desire someone else’s life because I don’t know what they went through to get it and that maybe if I press myself a little further, I could get one too! Just be HAPPY for people!

Home remedy #3: Celebrate Yourself: Yes, this is something that we don’t do enough for ourselves. No one is saying to brag and be conceited. But I am saying that you should take joy in what you’ve done. You’ve made it over some humps in your life. You’ve fought through some battles and you’ve WON! That is a reason to celebrate. YOU are something to celebrate. You’ve made it to places in your life you probably never dreamed of. Celebrate YOU! Don’t down play the person you’ve become or the accomplishments you’ve made because you’re not someone else…. Celebrate what you’ve done and keep going.

Home remedy #4: Work on Loving Yourself: We have to work on our own insecurities. It goes beyond the external things, but deals with the internal as well. We begin to define ourselves according to what others have that we don’t. People use the same old slogan “the grass is greener on the other side”… but my pastor use to say “your grass would be greener too if you watered and took care of it!” The more you work on loving everything about you, including your weight, your pimples, your hair, your skin tone, your style and your mind, the less you feel the need to compare yourself because you realize that you are something great and unique.

You were made that way on purpose 🙂

~The Mrs.

Our Society Given Identity: Beauty

Today I spent most of it watching videos about people working to break society’s view on beauty. There was a particular video that caught my eye, which was one about a makeover and photo shoot done for a few women to give them the cover girl look. Their makeup and hair was done and the pictures were taken. Then a professional photoshop editor was brought in to create what the normal cover girl would look like. Many were made smaller, their skin lightened and airbrushed, and some of their “flaws” or unique characteristics were done away with such as freckles or bone structure. When the new photos were revealed to the women, they didn’t like them… because it wasn’t them. Their identity, in a sense, was taken away so they could be “beautiful”.

What is beautiful?

My kids at the YMCA have made statements referring to their beauty, thinking that because their hair isn’t long, or because they don’t have a different eye color, or clothes to wear, that they aren’t as beautiful. They want different names and different hair… when they are really some of the most beautiful young women I’ve ever seen.

On Monday, I had a similar issue. Last Saturday, I got a sew-in, which is basically having fake hair sew into my braided hair with some of my own hair left out to cover the tracks. (Google it if you need more lol) So from last Saturday to this one, I dealt with an itchy scalp, having to style this hair I now had, and having to work with my own hair to make it blend in with the fake hair. It was AWFUL! Then I discovered that I had damaged my own hair because of heat. I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I took it out. (No my husband was not mad lol) On Monday, my own hair wouldn’t act right and I felt ugly. I felt like I look like a Chia Pet with this curly hair just plopped on my head, short and just nappy looking. I’ve always had a pride about my hair. If it doesn’t look right, then I feel like I look crazy overall. I didn’t feel pretty. My clothes didn’t fit right because I had gained weight. I didn’t want to smile because I have more fat below my chin. My cheeks are too big. I just noticed everything that would make me ugly… but whose definition was I using?

I feel like everyone had an issue with comparing themselves to those who are placed before us. I feel like my cheeks are too big because when I look on television and on Facebook, the people who are getting a lot of attention are smaller in the face. I feel fat because I have some extra where society says I don’t need extra. It’s not because the doctor said I need to lose weight, but because of what society tells me is not okay… and they do it to everyone. When we look in the mirror, we not only see ourselves, but we see pictures around us of those who society has told us looks better that us. We see the women and men that people fantasize and make a big fuss over and we feel unwanted because we don’t look like them. People on magazine covers and on television are made to look like dreams while we sit at home and feel like nightmares.

But I’m tired of feeling like this yall… I really am. I’m sick of feeling less than because I’m not the dream woman. I sick of my fellow women, young girls, men, and young boys feeling less than because they don’t look like someone on TV or in the magazines that we see every time we go to the store. I’m tired of being made to feel like I need makeup or liposuction or no food because society has told everyone that without it, we’re ugly and fat and would never have a chance at being models or on a front cover or simply beautiful. I’m sick of thinking of the word beautiful and my own name not being associated with it.

And I’m not the only one.

I am Beautiful. Even if I’ve gained weight and have curly frizzy hair, and broad shoulders… and even if I have to fight to tell myself this every day, I’m up for the struggle.

Are you up for the struggle?

I challenge you and myself to not view ourselves in a mirror to simply compare ourselves to what we don’t look like, but to look in the mirror and appreciate what you see. It may be hard at first, but let’s work on getting to the point where we don’t need to compare ourselves to anyone else. So that when we are walking down the street, or log onto social media, or turn on the television, we don’t slip into a state of comparison and depression, but we appreciate them for who they are, recognizing that who they are and what they look like casts no shadow and hold no weight to what we look like.

We are Beautiful.

~The Mrs.

Asking For Too Much?

List of Demands

On my Chronicles of a Young Wife Facebook Page, someone asked the question “Is there such thing as having standards that are set too high?” A lot of women in particular ask this same question when they’re a part of the dating scene. I know I did a few times while I was a single woman. But I realized that the standards I set were really high. Now that in no way says that they cannot be met, but there’s a slim to no chance that you’ll get everything on your list of “wants”. Having high standards is NOT a bad thing because you should never lower your standards just to be “happy”, but sometimes those “standards” can get out of hand and unreasonable. They become a list of demands!

I personally made a “Man of God” list, made up of everything I wanted. He had to be between a certain height, have a certain body type, have at least 2 degrees, be a pastor/minister/prophet or something along those lines, be a prayer warrior,  be a sex god, and a certain age and have good hair with a nice smile. My “Man of God” list was made up as a scorecard, where I would give him points in the areas he had achieved. It…was…ridiculous. He would’ve had to been a model/preacher/stripper/doctor… all at one time. I was asking for things that I myself did not accomplish or possess. I was asking for too much… but I was also asking out of want and not out of need. Of course I need a God-fearing man, but I also needed a man who was balanced as well, not someone who’s too Heaven bound to be any earthly good as people say. But I was creating this list out of desires of my flesh, not out of desire for what God wanted for me and already had for me.

In prayer with a friend, God revealed to her that I needed to remake my list… and when I remade it to include God in the decision process for what I needed. This time, I sat down with the bible and decided to study all of the scriptures that talked about what a husband should be to a wife. There are countless stories of some hard-core, ride or die type marriages in the bible. Though some things were jacked up, many stuck it out to the end.

As I read scriptures, I read in Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) where it states “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” So me understanding that I am a part of the church as a whole (not the building, the body of people), I was able to relate and ask God for a man who would love me like He does. I sat down and began to write down all that Jesus is to me. Friend, Lover of my soul, patient, forgiving, etc. because these were the things that I deserved as a wife. It’s like when a woman who’s spoiled is taken care of by her dad as a child, teen, and so on. She wants a man that can do the same and more because if he can’t, she’ll just go back to her dad and he’ll provide. I have the love of Christ with me everyday of my life. Why would I want someone who wants to and chooses to love me less than that? My desire became to gain the love of Christ in my marriage, and I got just that.

I didn’t put a whole lot of physical demands out there, though I did figure that since Jesus walked around a lot, he had to be fit (LMBO), but I knew that God knew what I liked. So many times we think that when we just say “God I give up my desires for You”, He’s going to just give us mess in return… but God ain’t crazy. God knew I loved a killer smile and a nice back with some nice shoulders, and I got just that, along with a best friend and lover of my soul whose patient, understanding and loves me for who I am. God knows you have to spend the rest of your life with this person. If someone is way out of your “type” or what you’re attracted to, He knows that would cause you to look and dream about someone else in bed at night. God is not slow nor is He crazy. He knows us backwards and forwards.

In conclusion:

  1. Stop asking for things that only one man in the world can possibly do.
  2. Stop asking for things that you yourself don’t possess. You can’t demand he have a nice car and you have a bike…
  3. Stop always focusing on wants. They can and will change like you do, and even when you get them, you’ll still want something more. But needs don’t change. When you get what you need, there’s a fulfillment involved.
  4. Understand that a man has to love you like Jesus loves you, or at least have the desire to learn to love you that way. Don’t go for someone who wants to love you in a mediocre way, making no sacrifices or changes. Jesus died for his bride the church. You deserve someone striving to mirror the love of Christ for you.
  5. God doesn’t take your desires and smash them to the ground. He just takes them, involves purpose and more of Him, and when they’re given back, they have a touch of what you love, mixed with more of your needs, your purpose and especially Him.

~The Mrs.

Sign-Up For The Weekly Buzz From Yours Truly!!

Hey Guys!!

I decided to reach out a little bit more! Make sure you visit the link below to put in your email for The Weekly Buzz E-mails from me every week! I’m going to use it to discuss a number of things and I want you all to get it!

http://cake-direct.com/s/1/ea1d286d16cdc71f810f3cc5f5193713

And make sure you all visit the website http://frommiss2mrs1.wix.com/frommiss2mrs and Like the Facebook page!!

Thanks!!

~The Mrs

The Mediocre You

Most of you who follow me on Facebook probably figured I would write a blog about this since I just made my status about it. I wasn’t going to, but I felt the need to.

The inspiration comes from my Mr. He might catch a slight attitude because of this article, but he’ll get over it. Part of my life, part of my ministry babe!! (Love you :))

My husband is a great man. He’s amazing at what He does… when he decides to do it. Now in no way am I saying that I’m always up and handling business 24/7 because I’m definitely not. So this article isn’t just about him, it’s about me too… He just so happens to be doing what I’m about to discuss.

I can think about a few people in my life that I know are GREAT and AMAZING and IRREPLACEABLE at what they do, but they were 1. Lazy and 2. Afraid to be more successful than those around them 3. Don’t want to lose friends. It’s like those people you meet in school that smoke weed, drink everyday, don’t study, but seems to ALWAYS get better grades than you do. I couldn’t stand people like that. I would bust my butt (sometimes) and study, and would barely make a C and they were popping A’s out.

I think about those friends and I wonder how far they would be if they had truly taken charge of the greatness within and did all the things they should have and could have done to get them into some amazing areas as far as careers go. But one things I can say all these people had in common; they had a group around them that wasn’t as successful or as intelligent as they were.

Many times we like to dumb ourselves down because we don’t want to make others uncomfortable. I know for me I would hate to show my significant other affection when single people were around. I would just feel bad because they were single and I wasn’t, so I’d try to be respectful, when in reality, I was just trying to make someone else comfortable, though it brought me discomfort. Now of course I don’t mean tonguing him down… that’s just rude (lol), but any affection at all. I would feel bad for the single people. So I’d rather suffer so they could be comfortable, when in reality they probably weren’t thinking twice about me. We do so much to make sure everyone around us is doing okay and isn’t offended by what we do, when they really aren’t looking at us, paying us any attention or letting us affect them at all. So we end up feeling bad for those who don’t feel bad at all.

Many of us limit ourselves so that we don’t lose friends, companions, support systems, etc. We’re afraid to be successful because we know everyone won’t be happy. We know that our friends who are happy with mediocrity will probably leave us alone and stop talking to us and start talking about us… if they don’t already do so. We’re afraid of the things we’ll lose on the front end of success. When it starts to slowly pour in, we watch our friends slowly dim out of the picture. We’re afraid to lose them, though they obviously aren’t friends anyway. We’d rather dumb down and just be mediocre so everyone can be comfortable around us, though we ourselves are uncomfortable.

Some of us don’t want to draw attention to ourselves. We’d just rather sit in the background and be normal. We’ve had experiences where when attention was drawn to us, it didn’t turn out too well, or we were talked about, or we messed up when all eyes were on us, so we’d just rather step back and sit down. We’re afraid to be out where everyone can see us succeed because we don’t want to mess up, or get the wrong attention. Why do we allow fear to set us back and cause us to crave mediocrity instead of success, which is so easily attainable? How long will we sit back in fear and not be great because we’re afraid of what might happen? Will we constantly live in this fear, and then when we’re old and grey fall into a depression because we didn’t take the chances to be great and successful when it was so easily attainable?

And then many of us are just lazy. We just don’t want to do the work to be successful. We figure if I can do the bare minimum and pass, why work harder? Is it worth it.

YES. 

If you are halfway succeeding doing as little as nothing, then what makes you think that a little bit more elbow grease can’t get you a little further in life? Turning off the TV and reading a little more to gain a little more knowledge. Getting off Facebook for a few seconds and reading the news or preparing an outline for a paper you haven’t written yet (Mr. Robinson… lol) Throwing a little water on your face to stay up a few extra hours or get up a few hours earlier to learn a little bit more for class so you’re not as far behind.

We sit up and we envy those who are doing what we want to do. We covet after their lives, their clothes, their money, their career, when we have the opportunity to be that and more if we just put in a little more effort. If anyone told you that it was going to just fall in your lap… they lied.

So what if you’re making good grades by doing nothing? What’s wrong with gaining a little more knowledge if you want to make a successful career out of it? Nothing. It’s better to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it. 

Take that extra few steps towards success. Forget what others have to say. People will talk about you if you live a mediocre life, and they will talk about you if you succeed, so it’s a lose-lose situation anyway, why not get some great things accomplished in the process of enduring? Forget fear. Do you really want to get to a point in your life when you can’t and you sit back and wish that you did? It’s right here. Right now. You can have it, just move past fear and take chances and make mistakes. The true failure is in not trying. And if you need a little extra push understand this “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7. And Forget about being lazy!! How is that helping you at all? Why continue to do things that lead to nothing, when you can gain things that lead to success and joy? If you read my last note, sitting up on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter isn’t healthy anyways! You sit there and want someone else’s life while hating your own. Someone I know said a great quote. The grass will always be greener on the other side… until you water your own. Makes sense right? lol

I leave you with this quote by Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~The Mrs.