My Epiphany of Beauty

A few days ago, My Black is Beautiful was spreading the word about their search for My Black is Beautiful Ambassadors. I was excited and read through their Official Rules. Within the rules was the question “What is Beauty?”. I sat up and paused for a moment. I looked over at my Mr. and sparked up a conversation about what we thought beauty was. Of course his answer was intellectual and amazing (lol), but I couldn’t put into words what beauty was… and then as I started to answer, the words began to flow…

Beauty is the uniqueness of a person. It seemed to cliché of course, but at the same time, it has a new meaning.

After reading about the new OCD (Check out my blog about it!) being Obsessive Comparison Disorder, this epiphany about what beauty is took my mind on a different route. We sit and compare ourselves all day to someone else, envying and coveting who they are, what they’ve done and what they have, that our sadness and depression comes from not being them. The issue is that we disregard who we are to covet who they are, ignoring the fact that we have accomplishments, success stories, and so much more that we’ve done. We’ve forgotten about celebrating one another and owning who we are… our unique gifts to society.

Do you realize that there is no one else on this plant and that there will be no one else on the planet to look, talk, and walk like you do? There is no one who can travel the path you have traveled, endure the hardships you have endured, and tell your story like you can. You are unique. God wanted to do it that way because He knew through the different being He created on this planet, He could do different things. If we all looked alike and did the same things, what use would there be for differences?

Picture yourself in an audition room. They call your name. You walk up but they’re confused because you look just like the last person. There’s nothing to make you stand out from everyone else because everyone is trying to be everyone else. Some want to look like Beyoncé. Some want to look like Nicki Minaj. Some want to look like Taylor Swift. Some want to be Jay-Z. Some want to be Trey Songz. But it seems like NO ONE wants to be themselves. Everyone wants to put together pieces of other people to represent themselves… and that is simply NOT YOU!

Who are you when all the influences from the outside world are taken away? If no one told you that you’re a good singer or dancer, would you even be doing it? What do you have to bring to the table? What we’re all trying to bring now has already been brought. We don’t want remakes, WE WANT ORIGINALS!

There is a reason that there are only 7 Wonders of the World. They each embody something that has never been seen or done before. It takes the breath away of those who lay eyes on it. It can’t be duplicated. People travel from all over the world to see them. People spend money to see them because they know that they will never see it anywhere else. The unique qualities about you is truly a wonder because it has never been seen or done before. But if we spend our time trying to mimic and be something else, we get looked over because “that’s been done before.”

There is beauty in the differences the we all have. There is beauty in your hair, your body, your voice, your talents, your gifts, your smile, your eyes… you are beautiful just the way God made you because He made NO ONE ELSE LIKE YOU. Embrace and enjoy the beauty in the uniqueness of others, then look at yourself and embrace your own.

~The Mrs.

Advertisements

The New OCD: Obsessive Comparison Disorder

If you haven’t already read her blog on the Huffington Post website, I’m sure you soon will. J.N. Salters has a new blog post called “My 20s Weren’t Supposed to Be Like This: Getting Through the Quarter-Life Crisis”. She gives us a brief insight into what 25 looks like (an age I’ll be hitting this mid-July). Basically it sucks in so many words (lol) She mentions something that stuck out to me called the new OCD- Obsessive Comparison Disorder. Crazy right? Too bad majority of us have it… including me.

OCD- Obsessive Comparison Disorder is a term coined by Paul Angone from his book “101 Secrets For Your Twenties” to describe “our compulsion to constantly compare ourselves with others, producing unwanted thoughts and feelings that drive us into depression, consumption, anxiety and all-around discontent. It encourages us to stay up late on Facebook pouring through all 348 pictures of our frenemies’ “My Life is Better Than Yours” album, and then it sends us to bed wondering why we feel so anxious.” (Angone, 2013; Read More…) Sound familiar?

Now of course I’ve already written about this in a previous blog (Read Here), but after reading Salters’ blog, I felt the need to talk about it again, but this time offer suggestions on a home remedy for this disorder that is causing us to:

1) Feel depressed about our own lives

2) Cause gaps and separation within our relationships with people

3) Discourage ourselves before we even start

4) Causing us to shop and spend money we don’t have and eat food we don’t need, to only turn around and feel bad about ourselves again when we see our friend in a two piece bathing suit or wearing a fitted shirt that we wouldn’t dare try to wear because of our Santa bellies

Home remedy #1: Take A Hiatus from Social Media: I just got back from a Social Media Hiatus for a month and it felt great because I wasn’t somewhere self-torturing myself looking at everyone else! Trust me, the world is not going to fall apart if they don’t know every thing you’re doing and eating. Your friends will not die if they don’t know what you had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. YOU will not die if you don’t tell the world your opinion on the dress you saw this woman wearing at Wal-Mart. When I took a break, I noticed that I didn’t care as much about stuff as I did when I felt the need to update on social media.

Home remedy #2: Celebrate Others: Now I don’t mean be fake and make yourself happy for someone. I think one of our issues as people is that we don’t celebrate other’s accomplishments, but choose to get angry because we aren’t where they are. Then we find the flaws in their accomplishments to make ourselves feel better. STOP! It’s okay that he/she got engaged. Maybe she was ready for that. If someone gave you a ring today, you might not be ready! It’s great that she got a new job… but that’s her job! You have your own job! You have your own life! I’ve learned that I cannot desire someone else’s life because I don’t know what they went through to get it and that maybe if I press myself a little further, I could get one too! Just be HAPPY for people!

Home remedy #3: Celebrate Yourself: Yes, this is something that we don’t do enough for ourselves. No one is saying to brag and be conceited. But I am saying that you should take joy in what you’ve done. You’ve made it over some humps in your life. You’ve fought through some battles and you’ve WON! That is a reason to celebrate. YOU are something to celebrate. You’ve made it to places in your life you probably never dreamed of. Celebrate YOU! Don’t down play the person you’ve become or the accomplishments you’ve made because you’re not someone else…. Celebrate what you’ve done and keep going.

Home remedy #4: Work on Loving Yourself: We have to work on our own insecurities. It goes beyond the external things, but deals with the internal as well. We begin to define ourselves according to what others have that we don’t. People use the same old slogan “the grass is greener on the other side”… but my pastor use to say “your grass would be greener too if you watered and took care of it!” The more you work on loving everything about you, including your weight, your pimples, your hair, your skin tone, your style and your mind, the less you feel the need to compare yourself because you realize that you are something great and unique.

You were made that way on purpose 🙂

~The Mrs.