There Are More Reasons to Serve God than Just Going to Heaven…

My relationship with Jesus is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It isn’t perfect (on my end), but my life has become one of the most adventurous, purposeful, and has had more worth and meaning since I decided to stop fighting and running. But I didn’t just fall in love for Heaven. I didn’t just decide to be on His team just to save myself from going to hell. Those are both great reasons, but they weren’t the number one reasons. Getting saved just so you won’t go to hell is not a good enough reason. It’s a reason, but you miss the totality of who He is and all that He can be while you’re alive!

Being with Jesus has given me and shown me a love like no other. He makes me want to be better. I want to be a better Allyson because I love Him and I want Him to have the best of me.

In the past, when I would make dumb decisions, I wouldn’t think twice about them. It was what I wanted to do and I did it. With Jesus, He at least makes me think twice before doing something dumb or something that would me in a negative way. I think twice because He’s always on my mind, whether I know it or not. I want to please Him. I want Him to smile at me.

In my lowest moments, He always understands. He listens. If I can’t talk to anyone, He is the one I run to. It’s a beautiful love we have. He showed me my purpose. He showed me who I was born to be so I wouldn’t keep wandering, doing things that didn’t align with my destiny. He knows me. The very essence of who I am. Even the places and pieces I don’t get, He does. The ugly parts of my He embraces and showers with His love. He loves me through my pain. Catches every tear. Puts me in my place when I’m wrong and loves me as I make it right.

And these reasons and examples are just the tip of the iceberg. Make the decision to serve God and enjoy His presence NOW. Heaven will always be there, but knowing and having the ability to know and love God while you’re still alive is a joy all is own. He will lead and guide you and love you to the core of your being. There are sides of Him you’ve never even touched.

Get to know God for who He is now,  so that when you do get to Heaven, your praise and worship will be even greater because you know in this life and when you see Him face to face, that’s He’s the almighty, wonderful, amazing God you’ve always known.

He’s full of hope, joy and love. If you’re looking for any of those, please, look to Him.

~Ally

Our Society Given Identity: Beauty

Today I spent most of it watching videos about people working to break society’s view on beauty. There was a particular video that caught my eye, which was one about a makeover and photo shoot done for a few women to give them the cover girl look. Their makeup and hair was done and the pictures were taken. Then a professional photoshop editor was brought in to create what the normal cover girl would look like. Many were made smaller, their skin lightened and airbrushed, and some of their “flaws” or unique characteristics were done away with such as freckles or bone structure. When the new photos were revealed to the women, they didn’t like them… because it wasn’t them. Their identity, in a sense, was taken away so they could be “beautiful”.

What is beautiful?

My kids at the YMCA have made statements referring to their beauty, thinking that because their hair isn’t long, or because they don’t have a different eye color, or clothes to wear, that they aren’t as beautiful. They want different names and different hair… when they are really some of the most beautiful young women I’ve ever seen.

On Monday, I had a similar issue. Last Saturday, I got a sew-in, which is basically having fake hair sew into my braided hair with some of my own hair left out to cover the tracks. (Google it if you need more lol) So from last Saturday to this one, I dealt with an itchy scalp, having to style this hair I now had, and having to work with my own hair to make it blend in with the fake hair. It was AWFUL! Then I discovered that I had damaged my own hair because of heat. I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I took it out. (No my husband was not mad lol) On Monday, my own hair wouldn’t act right and I felt ugly. I felt like I look like a Chia Pet with this curly hair just plopped on my head, short and just nappy looking. I’ve always had a pride about my hair. If it doesn’t look right, then I feel like I look crazy overall. I didn’t feel pretty. My clothes didn’t fit right because I had gained weight. I didn’t want to smile because I have more fat below my chin. My cheeks are too big. I just noticed everything that would make me ugly… but whose definition was I using?

I feel like everyone had an issue with comparing themselves to those who are placed before us. I feel like my cheeks are too big because when I look on television and on Facebook, the people who are getting a lot of attention are smaller in the face. I feel fat because I have some extra where society says I don’t need extra. It’s not because the doctor said I need to lose weight, but because of what society tells me is not okay… and they do it to everyone. When we look in the mirror, we not only see ourselves, but we see pictures around us of those who society has told us looks better that us. We see the women and men that people fantasize and make a big fuss over and we feel unwanted because we don’t look like them. People on magazine covers and on television are made to look like dreams while we sit at home and feel like nightmares.

But I’m tired of feeling like this yall… I really am. I’m sick of feeling less than because I’m not the dream woman. I sick of my fellow women, young girls, men, and young boys feeling less than because they don’t look like someone on TV or in the magazines that we see every time we go to the store. I’m tired of being made to feel like I need makeup or liposuction or no food because society has told everyone that without it, we’re ugly and fat and would never have a chance at being models or on a front cover or simply beautiful. I’m sick of thinking of the word beautiful and my own name not being associated with it.

And I’m not the only one.

I am Beautiful. Even if I’ve gained weight and have curly frizzy hair, and broad shoulders… and even if I have to fight to tell myself this every day, I’m up for the struggle.

Are you up for the struggle?

I challenge you and myself to not view ourselves in a mirror to simply compare ourselves to what we don’t look like, but to look in the mirror and appreciate what you see. It may be hard at first, but let’s work on getting to the point where we don’t need to compare ourselves to anyone else. So that when we are walking down the street, or log onto social media, or turn on the television, we don’t slip into a state of comparison and depression, but we appreciate them for who they are, recognizing that who they are and what they look like casts no shadow and hold no weight to what we look like.

We are Beautiful.

~The Mrs.

Seeing My Relationship With Christ Part 1

This will be continued into one other part at a later date ūüôā

My marriage is not perfect. It had it’s problems and issues. There are times my husband brings issues to me about things I didn’t even know I was doing! There are times my Mr. will tell me about something I’m doing, that I just told him that he’s doing. I’ll tell him to watch his tone at times, and then he reminds me of about 5 times I did the same thing I’m complaining about… and I hate when he does that by the way. There are other times that my Mr. will call my phone our “Other Lover”… Lame right?!?! He complains about me using my phone excessively and not paying any attention to him when we’re alone. He also points out the times that I’m not listening to what he says… and in both instances he’s right. I am attached to my Samsung Galaxy 3… and sometimes I let what he says go in one ear and out the other. I’m guilty…. There I said it.

A friend of ours who’s also married pointed out that many times marriage can mirror your relationship with Christ. Knowing that Christ is our bridegroom and we are the bride (Eph. 5:25), we have to realize that our relationship has flaws in it when it comes to Christ. How many times do we REALLY listen to Christ when He tries to lead and guide us? How many times do we put a ton of things before Him, beyond just our phones? How many times do we try to call Christ out for not doing something, when we ourselves are guilty of the same thing?

I’ve decided to take a closer listen to the desires and the requests of my Mr. Many times within his concerns come the concerns of Christ. It’s almost like hearing the same voice. I believe that Christ sometimes speaks through our spouses to alert us that it’s not just happening in the natural but in the spiritual as well. Though some things they say may hurt and we hate to hear it, we have to understand that it is all for the good of our marriage lasting and being built on a strong foundation. Our marriage has to move beyond just the physical and get into the emotional, spiritual, and mental.

So I guess next time I choose something over my husband, I’ll be reminded that he’s not the only husband speaking out…

(But I just got this phone lol jk)

~The Mrs.

Asking For Too Much?

List of Demands

On my Chronicles of a Young Wife¬†Facebook Page, someone asked the question “Is there such thing as having standards that are set too high?” A lot of women in particular ask this same question when they’re a part of the dating scene. I know I did a few times while I was a single woman. But I realized that the standards I set were really high. Now that in no way says that they cannot be met, but there’s a slim to no chance that you’ll get everything on your list of “wants”. Having high standards is NOT a bad thing because you should never lower your standards just to be “happy”, but sometimes those “standards” can get out of hand and unreasonable. They become a list of demands!

I personally made a “Man of God” list, made up of everything I wanted. He had to be between a certain height, have a certain body type, have at least 2 degrees, be a pastor/minister/prophet or something along those lines, be a prayer warrior, ¬†be a sex god, and a certain age and have good hair with a nice smile. My “Man of God” list was made up as a scorecard, where I would give him points in the areas he had achieved. It…was…ridiculous. He would’ve had to been a model/preacher/stripper/doctor… all at one time. I was asking for things that I myself did not accomplish or possess. I was asking for too much… but I was also asking out of want and not out of need. Of course I need a God-fearing man, but I also needed a man who was balanced as well, not someone who’s too Heaven bound to be any earthly good as people say. But I was creating this list out of desires of my flesh, not out of desire for what God wanted for me and already had for me.

In prayer with a friend, God revealed to her that I needed to remake my list… and when I remade it to include God in the decision process for what I needed. This time, I sat down with the bible and decided to study all of the scriptures that talked about what a husband should be to a wife. There are countless stories of some hard-core, ride or die type marriages in the bible. Though some things were jacked up, many stuck it out to the end.

As I read scriptures, I read in Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) where it states “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” So me understanding that I am a part of the church as a whole (not the building, the body of people), I was able to relate and ask God for a man who would love me like He does. I sat down and began to write down all that Jesus is to me. Friend, Lover of my soul, patient, forgiving, etc. because these were the things that I deserved as a wife. It’s like when a woman who’s spoiled is taken care of by her dad as a child, teen, and so on. She wants a man that can do the same and more because if he can’t, she’ll just go back to her dad and he’ll provide. I have the love of Christ with me everyday of my life. Why would I want someone who wants to and chooses to love me less than that? My desire became to gain the love of Christ in my marriage, and I got just that.

I didn’t put a whole lot of physical demands out there, though I did figure that since Jesus walked around a lot, he had to be fit (LMBO), but I knew that God knew what I liked. So many times we think that when we just say “God I give up my desires for You”, He’s going to just give us mess in return… but God ain’t crazy. God knew I loved a killer smile and a nice back with some nice shoulders, and I got just that, along with a best friend and lover of my soul whose patient,¬†understanding and loves me for who I am. God knows you have to spend the rest of your life with this person. If someone is way out of your “type” or what you’re attracted to, He knows that would cause you to look and dream about someone else in bed at night. God is not slow nor is He crazy. He knows us backwards and forwards.

In conclusion:

  1. Stop asking for things that only one man in the world can possibly do.
  2. Stop asking for things that you yourself don’t possess. You can’t demand he have a nice car and you have a bike…
  3. Stop always focusing on wants. They can and will change like you do, and even when you get them, you’ll still want something more. But needs don’t change. When you get what you need, there’s a fulfillment involved.
  4. Understand that a man has to love you like Jesus loves you, or at least have the desire to learn to love you that way. Don’t go for someone who wants to love you in a mediocre way, making no sacrifices or changes. Jesus died for his bride the church. You deserve someone striving to mirror the love of Christ for you.
  5. God doesn’t take your desires and smash them to the ground. He just takes them, involves purpose and more of Him, and when they’re given back, they have a touch of what you love, mixed with more of your needs, your purpose and especially Him.

~The Mrs.

You Deserve Better :)

I was writing on a forum on¬†http://www.pinkypromisemovement.com/¬†about advice I would give to any woman about ANYTHING I’ve learned… Included in my advice was a point that struck me in a different place. No matter how many times you’ve messed up and missed the mark, you’re still precious to God. No matter how many times you’ve messed up and missed the mark… YOU ARE STILL Precious to God.

I feel that many people feel like they’ve missed God on so many levels due to their sins, and continue to sin out of that place; the place of not feeling worthy enough to pick up and come back to Christ. But that’s exactly how the enemy wants you to feel… like you deserve less than the best, which is not true.

Ladies, to those of you who’ve slept around with different men, you do not have to put up with a man who treats you like crap. You Deserve Better. God still has the right man in store for you. He’s out looking for you right now. Now is the time to give yourself to God and let Him make you into a wife. The scripture says in Proverbs 18:22 that a man that findeth a WIFE… not a woman, not a girl, but a wife, which means that you must be one before he finds you… another important point… He will FIND YOU… it’s not going to be the other way around. He’ll come when you least expect it, when you’re looking the other way, he’ll be looking at you. But don’t think because you’ve made some bad decisions, that you don’t deserve true happiness. Get out of those bad relationships and “friendships” and get prepared for your happiest days yet.

Think about me being married has brought me to tears a few times. If you knew the extent of my past, you’d realize that if God has someone for ME… He’s definitely got someone for you (lol). I always had my hopes up for God to send me a man that was especially for me, but I knew I wasn’t deserving. I gave myself away to so many men and knew that it would be a LONG time before I would even give the right kind of man the time of day because I knew I deserved a jacked up relationship with some creep guy… but I didn’t realize that my worth didn’t lie in what I had done, but it lied in God. God knew I had missed the mark a few times, but that didn’t stop His plan for me, nor did it change the way I looked in God’s eyes. That’s why I posted in “The Turning Point” ( http://restorationformysoul.wordpress.com ) that we need eye exams ASAP. We keep seeing ourselves through the wrong vision… when in reality we need to look through the right pair to see us how God needs us to…

Just because you may not feel worthy doesn’t mean you need to subject yourself to worthless relationships. You don’t need the guy/girl who won’t commit, but instead need to begin preparations for the one you’ll spend forever with. You don’t need the relationship with someone who is’t faithful, who you have NEVER trusted, who treats you great in the bedroom, but like crap everywhere else. You deserve better!!

~The Mrs.

Unapologetically YOU!!

SEE!! I always knew I love Dr. Seuss!!

SEE!! I always knew I love Dr. Seuss!!

One thing that took me a while to learn and grasp is that it was okay to be myself. Learning to be okay with being YOU is one of the hardest things we as a society have to deal with. We learn to hide certain parts of ourselves because we’re afraid. Afraid that people won’t like us or accept us or be our friends. We’re terrified to just be ourselves.

It reminds me of Adam and Eve in the garden. Before they ate of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, they were naked and didn’t know or care. But once they came into the knowledge of good and evil, they cared. I preached my first sermon about this tree and God revealed to me that this tree was wrong to eat from because in us it would produce death due to sin. This tree gave us the right the rationalize good vs. evil within our own minds. So now in society, we try to regulate and rationalize what’s good and evil, even within ourselves. We see someone who’s outgoing and fun, but we notice that those people get talked about and teased, so the outgoing and fun part of us stays hidden because we deem it better to hide who we really are than to be unafraid and unashamed of who we were made by God to be.

Some of us have been called to be a leader. But we see how leaders are treated and how leaders go through a lot of pain and turmoil, so we’d rather become a follower for the rest of our lives to avoid pain and hurt, not understanding that we’re quenching the very thing that defines who we are. We’re afraid to be who we are because life doesn’t always seem to show us the good side of revealing to everyone who we really are.

But how does that internally make us feel? I can speak from experience that I knew I was called to be more than just a singer. It began to eat away at me this past year and a half because all I was singing. Now for most musicians, that’s Heaven! But to me, I knew I was called to do so much more for the world and for God. I tried to make it work. I tried to like it. I made up excuses as to why I needed to stay… but NOTHING could sustain me. I was tired of being inside of a box I wanted to get out of… and the worst part was that I was the one who put me in there.

Stop placing yourself in a box that isn’t who you really are. Stop placing yourself in a box period. You don’t have to be confined to just one thing because you’re good at it, but you can explore the world around you with the gifts you’ve been given by God. You’re not really a party girl. You’re not really a sex fiend. That’s NOT YOU! But that’s where you’ve become most comfortable because when you tried to express who you really were, you were shut down and didn’t have as many friends. Now that you’re a drinker and smoker and party girl/guy, you have all the friends in the world who now love this made up you. This fake version of who you think you are, KNOWING you’re not.

It’s easier said than done to say “I’m going to be me, whether people like it or not.” It’s easier said than done to be yourself and not care about having friends or someone to “like” you. But why want to be a person that’s made up. It’s like having alter egos or different masks for different groups of people and setting. Why don’t you just want to be one person all around?

I went to counseling for about 3 months, and that was the first thing to come up was that I was wearing masks and that only 1 or 2 people knew the real me. The unapologetic me. Those two people were Jesus and my husband. He was the first one who I told my whole testimony to upfront on our first date. I decided that I needed to lay it all out there because I was growing to the point of being unashamed of who I was and what I went through because I was beginning to fall in love with me; mistakes and all. And after I revealed it all up front, he still chose to love me. Jesus was the same way. I decided one day that I needed to give my all to Him. I told Him my shortcomings, I told Him my sins, and I told Him what I still had urges to do. But He still told me He loved me and still continued to use me for His purpose.

To everyone else, I was wearing a mask. I had my church mask, my musician’s mask, my back-at-home mask, and my chill with friends mask. I would swipe them out depending on if I was at school, church, back in Detroit where I’m from, or whether I was hanging out with friends. No one knew what was behind the mask. No one knew ME. I was terrified to reveal myself because I had tried to different times to the different surroundings I was in. But everytime I did, I paid for it. Someone would look at me weird. No one would listen. People would laugh. So I stopped trying to be me and became what everyone wanted me to be.

But I got SICK AND TIRED OF IT. I wanted to be ALLYSON. I was tired of making other people happy just to be sad and feel alone, even surrounded by a bunch of people who loved the mask I put on. I was ready to be me, and I didn’t care about who’d stay or who’d go. Jesus had excepted me and I was cool.

Everyone’s not going to like YOU. That’s something we as a people have to accept. They hated Jesus… so why should you be so special? But YOU have to like You. You have to LOVE you. Those that are meant to be around YOU will be, and those that aren’t WON’T! And to them… we chuck the deuces… FAREAL (lol)

Be unapologetic about being the man or woman of God He’s created you to be. He don’t make mess. You have all those gifts and influences for reasons bigger than you can imagine. Be YOURSELF! And BE HAPPY being YOURSELF. You never know what being YOU will help do for others

~The Mrs.