There’s something about someone who loves you in spite of you… someone who blocks out the world and what they have to say just to love you… someone who’ll do whatever to prove they love you. It’s the kind of love you never have to second guess. You never have to sit up at night and fear losing it to someone else. There’s something about love the encompasses you and becomes concerned with loving only you… giving you the security you need to never be afraid of it cheating on you. There is something… about that love.
I’m blessed to say that it’s kind of love that found me… not just once, but twice. The first being my junior year of college and most recently, December 31st, 2013. The love of Jesus Christ came and engulfed me my junior year. I had been giving my body away to different strangers, walked away from God after being born and raised in church, and became consumed with this empty vessel called Allyson. But in a matter of moments, He called my name and told me He still loved me and wanted to use me. For the next few days, Jesus chased me down and wouldn’t let go til I said okay. He found me in my wilderness called life, where I thought no one could go, let alone find me… but He did… and since then, I’ve never been the same. Being trapped by a love I’ve never known took me off guard… but I didn’t want to fight it. It was one I tried to duplicate in relationships and never seemed to get right. It was a love I did nothing to deserve. It was finally a love that I could do nothing to shake. It was an “inearnable’ love that I had finally obtained because I was just… well there.
I still haven’t wrapped my mind around it… and I won’t ever be able to. To know someone who loves me just because… even when I screw up and suck at life? Seems impossible right? Especially after all the “love” we’ve experienced… where after we mess up once, it’s all over and we can never live it down, like the “I love you’s” were never spoken at some point in time…
The next time as with my partner-in-crime, ride-or-die, My Mr. He loves me like Christ loves me, which is a requirement when it come to marriage. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25 NIV) Those of you who know me know the relationships I had full of empty “I love you’s”
I soon discovered that I was on the search for a love that had to come find me.
The days I cheated, the empty nights of pointless sex, the long hours of fighting, the tears… none of it seemed worth it when real love introduced itself to me; ever so politely. I did nothing to deserve it, nothing to earn it, and didn’t ask for it. Quincy told me that I made it easy for him to love me. He told me that love for him, was a choice, which is true.
The beauty of Love is that it is a choice to love someone. It’s nothing you should be forced into and it’s nothing that you should take for granted. When you sit back and make the choice to love someone, you’re choosing to love them for who they are, including all of their crazy parts and annoying habits, but it’s your choice in the end. It’s not something you shrug your shoulders and just say out of habit or out of expectancy. If you don’t love someone, don’t say it. Many of us have the issue with saying I love you because we love to hear ourselves say it and hear someone else say it to us. When we’ve spent a lot of time together, we think it has to be automatic so we say it out of habit. When we sleep with someone and the sex was great, we say I love you because maybe we felt something different with them… when in reality it was the newness of an undiscovered orgasm we’ve never had before.
The reality of true love is that it sometimes comes when you least expect it because you did nothing to deserve it in that moment it was gained. When Quincy and I first began to talk and get serious, I hadn’t put any of my “old moves” on him to con him into loving me. He made the choice and stuck with it. It wasn’t a sway in his decision just because I made him mad one day, so if that’s how your love is, here’s news… IT’S NOT LOVE! Love is unconditional. It’s not subject to any conditions!!! Love won’t come out of something I did for you. Love won’t disappear because I didn’t do something you liked. Love will stay and stick because you make the choice to love in spite of.
The reality of the love the found me was that I had to get to know the love of Christ first, because in that I discovered how I was to be loved and treated. Christ knows your worth. He knows how to love you… He died for you because He wanted to because He LOVES you. When I knew what Christ’s love was like, I was able to discern what was and what wasn’t…. it had to come find me, and it had to love me in spite of me because it wanted to, and it would do whatever it had to in order to prove it to me. So when love came and found me the second time around… I recognized it as soon as I saw him. I knew from the 3 conversation that I would marry the man I’m married to today. There was something about the way he talked to me that was familiar. There was something about the way he showed he cared that was familiar. It was the love of Christ pouring out of him and onto me.
The beauty of love is that God is love. You know love, you know God and vice versa. You know God, you know the way love is supposed to go. Embrace Him. Discover His love… then wait for His love to come and find you.