There Are More Reasons to Serve God than Just Going to Heaven…

My relationship with Jesus is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It isn’t perfect (on my end), but my life has become one of the most adventurous, purposeful, and has had more worth and meaning since I decided to stop fighting and running. But I didn’t just fall in love for Heaven. I didn’t just decide to be on His team just to save myself from going to hell. Those are both great reasons, but they weren’t the number one reasons. Getting saved just so you won’t go to hell is not a good enough reason. It’s a reason, but you miss the totality of who He is and all that He can be while you’re alive!

Being with Jesus has given me and shown me a love like no other. He makes me want to be better. I want to be a better Allyson because I love Him and I want Him to have the best of me.

In the past, when I would make dumb decisions, I wouldn’t think twice about them. It was what I wanted to do and I did it. With Jesus, He at least makes me think twice before doing something dumb or something that would me in a negative way. I think twice because He’s always on my mind, whether I know it or not. I want to please Him. I want Him to smile at me.

In my lowest moments, He always understands. He listens. If I can’t talk to anyone, He is the one I run to. It’s a beautiful love we have. He showed me my purpose. He showed me who I was born to be so I wouldn’t keep wandering, doing things that didn’t align with my destiny. He knows me. The very essence of who I am. Even the places and pieces I don’t get, He does. The ugly parts of my He embraces and showers with His love. He loves me through my pain. Catches every tear. Puts me in my place when I’m wrong and loves me as I make it right.

And these reasons and examples are just the tip of the iceberg. Make the decision to serve God and enjoy His presence NOW. Heaven will always be there, but knowing and having the ability to know and love God while you’re still alive is a joy all is own. He will lead and guide you and love you to the core of your being. There are sides of Him you’ve never even touched.

Get to know God for who He is now,  so that when you do get to Heaven, your praise and worship will be even greater because you know in this life and when you see Him face to face, that’s He’s the almighty, wonderful, amazing God you’ve always known.

He’s full of hope, joy and love. If you’re looking for any of those, please, look to Him.

~Ally

Why I’m Married and You’re Not Pt. 2

Hey!

Back with the second part of ‘Why I’m Married and You’re Not’!

When we last left off, I was giving some background info on what I did before I got married, the preparations that I made before I even said “I Do”. But this blog… I’m taking in a whole different direction 🙂

We as people have a lot of personal issues… can we just be real? We hold on too long to those we shouldn’t even be friends with, but we let go or mess up the ones who treated us right. It’s almost like we are afraid to be treated right. Sounds crazy, but it’s the truth. So I’m just going to be real with yall for a minute. Is that cool?

1) Stop Going Back. Now I could stop right there because in its simpliest form, we can see the meaning. Now I’m not talking about the more difficult situations where people are going through more than we can imagine, but I’m talking to the people who are going back just because they don’t want to be alone for a moment. I dealt with that too, and it was a hard point. I was in two awful relationships with people who verbally abused me, causing me to have to get myself together in the end… and I kept going back when I should’ve just stayed away! They are not and will not be the only people who ever like you or show you attention in your life. There are billions of people on the planet…. you WILL get someone better.

2) Stop Falling For the Randoms. Now YOU know who they are. They are simply people who we talk to in order to pass the time away. We don’t like them for real. In fact, they aren’t even that cute. They are simply there to fill a void and a space. They could be the guy you only call when you feel like playing hard to get. It could be that girl you only text when you want some. They are simply just a filler… like when you don’t know what to say and you start to say “umm” and “like”… They are a waste of your time, which is precious. Stop talking, texting, and sexing the Umms and Likes in your life. (lol)

3) Stop Thinking You Deserve The Worst. Yes, you may have issues. You may have a very ugly past. You have been a dog before. You’ve played with people’s hearts. You don’t have a lot of money. This may all be true and more, but you do not deserve the worst in a significant other. I believe that some people settle because they don’t feel like they will get anyone better based on who they are or their past. So a man may date a woman he doesn’t even like because he doesn’t think he can approach the woman he desires to have as a wife. A woman may continue to date a man who treats her bad because she doesn’t feel as if she’s worthy of being treated like a lady. But YOU ARE WORTH IT!

That’s all for now… I might have more later (lol)

Love you guys!

~The Mrs.

The Upgrade Mentality

I was supposed to write this blog a few months ago and just forgot to do it, but I remembered this time.

Society has truly taught us some awful lessons as people, and we’ve ignorantly taken what we’ve been force fed and applied to unconsciously to our entire lives. One of the biggest things is not being content with having something. Take the cell phone for instance. Every year almost, there is something new in the Apple or Droid world. It’s camera is better. It’s service is better. The phone moves faster. It’s smaller and sleeker. There’s a new button on it… stupid stuff. But whenever something new comes out, we RUSH to get it. We pre-order it or wait outside in line for hours to get it, to only realize it’s the same as what we had before, with a few changes that we probably don’t even use. Then we discover that the awesome, amazing new phone has problems of it’s own. So then we get on the internet and complain about the phone and what it doesn’t have, only to be suckered in again by the companies who fix some of the issues and release a new phone that we buy. It is a never ending cycle.

This cycle applies to our personal lives as well. How? Glad you asked.

When we get into relationships, they first few months are precious. The other person is new and they have everything we thought we wanted and needed in a mate. We buy things for them and take them with us everywhere and show them off and take pictures and everything else a new couple does. But then the newness wears off, like with our phones. We start hurting them, we neglect them, and then we start to realize that they have problems! So we start to point out all the negatives, though a few months in, everything was perfect. So then we start to complain to other people about the issues we’re having. We vent on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, we tell all our friends and then even start to tell someone else that in the back of our minds could solve our problem or even replace our problem. It’s like when you go to the cell phone store and tell them all your problems with your old phone and then they can recommend the updated version or a new phone that doesn’t have the same issues. So we start to shop around for someone who doesn’t have the same issues. Now of course when we shop around, we never know the problems they have up front, we just know they might not have the same issues we deal with now. So in the cell phone store, we start to play with other phones…. and in real life we start to cheat. Now the new found person/gadget is perfect and what was once perfect is now awful. We compare the two. We tell everyone why the new phone would be so much better then what we have now… and sooner or later we end up replacing our old gadget… only to find out in a few months, the new gadget has a whole new group of issues we have to now deal with.

Society has trained us to never be content because something better is always available to us. We treat stuff and people like they’re disposable and that once we get tired of them or it, we can get a new one when we want to. I believe this is why people cheat, are so quick to divorce, and why no one is happy or content in life. We’re always ready for the upgrade! We buy things and date people with the knowledge that soon they’ll or it will be replaced.

I use to date guys and be happy for about 6 months. They at month 7, something… ME… flipped and I started getting bored, so I would always have “One In The Pocket”, who was basically my next boyfriend because I knew my current one would soon be gone. The “One In The Pocket” always seemed better than the one I was with. He didn’t do the same things my current boyfriend did. Why? Because I was telling him everything I didn’t like! Of course he knew what NOT to do, I told him! Then when I moved on, I discovered that he had problems too… and some of them were the same as the person I just left.

If we can just become a content people and be willing to stick it out, focus on the good and voluntarily let it outweigh the bad, then maybe we’ll stop divorcing. Maybe our relationships will stop being practice for divorce, showing us that people can easily be replaced. Maybe if we focus on why we love them over why they annoy us; why we got married over why we want to leave; why we’re meant to be together over why we should separate… if we can just get to the point where we feel as if NOTHING and NO ONE is better than what we have, then maybe we’ll save some money… and heartbreak.

I told my Mr. that I had gotten to the point where I felt like I would never cheat. (Most of you are probably like “That’s what you say now, just wait!”… Shut up) The reason I was able to say that is because I realized that he was the best man for me and that no one could possibly do what he does or be who he is, which is true. I’m content with my husband. I don’t want anyone else. I’ve given too much to my husband and he’s given too much to me. I’ve become better because of him. He’s just amazing and I don’t think I would want to mess that up, nor do I think that anyone else could give me what he’s given me. I’m content with my Mr.

Be content. Yes, someone else may be more fit that than your current mate, someone else may have studied at Harvard or Yale. Someone else could just be so sexy… but be content that your mate has the best body, is the smartest and the sexiest, no matter who they stand next to.

I Call My Husband Beautiful.

My favorite time of day is the night-time like most of the world. There’s something about the stillness and the time of simply pausing within yourself to reflect and rest. I love it even more because it’s the time of day I know that I have with my husband. I may see him throughout the day and for a few minutes in the morning, but at night, nothing is rushed and I am thankful because I know that he’ll be next to me. I love the moments that I look over at him and see the outline of his face as my mind fills in the rest of the image embedded in my mind and in my heart. I love when a small light shines from a phone or the button on the Wii that reveals his face to me a little more than before. It is in these moments I simply look at him and say “You are so beautiful.” Every time I do, he smiles shyly and whispers, “Thank You”.

The first few times I said it, I wondered if he thought I was weird. Heck, I wondered if I was weird. Calling him beautiful seemed weird at first because most women don’t call men beautiful, it’s normally the other way around. But for some reason, in those still, timeless moments, calling him beautiful was the perfect thing to do. It’s meaning went way beyond the outer appearance, but dealt with the inner man as well. As I look into his eyes in the still darkness, then let my gaze take in rapid shots of his face so I can internally remember and study them, Beautiful is what I think of.

When true beauty presents itself before you, uttering the words “Beautiful”, means a lot more than the outward appearance. Allowing yourself to take in everything about the object, moment, or person takes the word beautiful and sends it shooting to another level, causing that object, moments, or person to forever be a part of your life. It makes you daydream about it, realizing if there’s anything that could ever be compared to it. It makes you appreciate what lies before you. It humbles you when you realize that you didn’t have to experience or view it. Beautiful makes you take the time to appreciate what lies before you, causing you to look beyond the obvious and seek out the hidden secrets it may possess.

We’ve all said Beautiful on more than one occasion to something or someone involved in a temporary situation, that no doubt was in fact Beautiful. But those aren’t the moments that take our breath away, causing us to desire a few more moments in this place in time without interruption. That… is Beautiful.

Typing this, I’m excited to see my husband now (lol). Of course handsome, gorgeous, sexy, fine, etc., all work perfectly fine because he is indeed those things ; ) But when I call him beautiful, that word is meant to define his overall state from top to bottom, inside and out. He takes my breath away with one glance. My mind can’t help but think about him when I’m away from him, and even in his presence, I still take moments to think about the moments passed. His voice speaks to places no other man or woman can reach but Jesus. His touch reaches down into the very depths of my heart.

He is Beautiful.

My Mr.

~The Mrs.

Seeing My Relationship With Christ Part 1

This will be continued into one other part at a later date 🙂

My marriage is not perfect. It had it’s problems and issues. There are times my husband brings issues to me about things I didn’t even know I was doing! There are times my Mr. will tell me about something I’m doing, that I just told him that he’s doing. I’ll tell him to watch his tone at times, and then he reminds me of about 5 times I did the same thing I’m complaining about… and I hate when he does that by the way. There are other times that my Mr. will call my phone our “Other Lover”… Lame right?!?! He complains about me using my phone excessively and not paying any attention to him when we’re alone. He also points out the times that I’m not listening to what he says… and in both instances he’s right. I am attached to my Samsung Galaxy 3… and sometimes I let what he says go in one ear and out the other. I’m guilty…. There I said it.

A friend of ours who’s also married pointed out that many times marriage can mirror your relationship with Christ. Knowing that Christ is our bridegroom and we are the bride (Eph. 5:25), we have to realize that our relationship has flaws in it when it comes to Christ. How many times do we REALLY listen to Christ when He tries to lead and guide us? How many times do we put a ton of things before Him, beyond just our phones? How many times do we try to call Christ out for not doing something, when we ourselves are guilty of the same thing?

I’ve decided to take a closer listen to the desires and the requests of my Mr. Many times within his concerns come the concerns of Christ. It’s almost like hearing the same voice. I believe that Christ sometimes speaks through our spouses to alert us that it’s not just happening in the natural but in the spiritual as well. Though some things they say may hurt and we hate to hear it, we have to understand that it is all for the good of our marriage lasting and being built on a strong foundation. Our marriage has to move beyond just the physical and get into the emotional, spiritual, and mental.

So I guess next time I choose something over my husband, I’ll be reminded that he’s not the only husband speaking out…

(But I just got this phone lol jk)

~The Mrs.

Married Life > Promiscuous Life

As I stated on my website, I would start to discuss this a little more because it’s an area of my life I tripped up and messed up the most, but Glory to God I’ve learned so many lessons and now I want to help someone else out that may be headed in the same direction.

I use to be caught up in the “New Day, New Dude” scene (not literally lol) and I enjoyed it at times. To sit up and try to act brand new like my crazy life wasn’t fun would be a LIE. There were plenty of times I had a BALL in the club, drunk, and flirting around with guys to see who’d bite the bait. So SN: If any Christian tries to tell you that life wasn’t fun, 95% of them may be lying. I say 95% because some people force themselves to do it to only fit in for a short period of time, knowing they hate it.

Flirting around was fun. Having random cute guys come up behind you and dance with you for 3 or 4 songs and then flash a smile when you turn around to face one another and exchange numbers. It was fun. Now for me, the daring moments when you sleep with someone you haven’t known more than 24 hours was NOT fun. Even getting to the place where you slept with someone and you didn’t even for real LIKE them wasn’t fun. That “morning after” feeling where the shame kicks in and the guilt kicks in… then of course for us women, the question “What if I’m pregnant?” kicks in like an automatic response to having sex with anyone… even kissing makes us nervous! (Sounds drastic, but it’s real!) Then of course the concern if you caught something, regardless if you wore a condom or not… it just was NOT fun.

It’s not fun to sleep with someone random who you had a mini crush on for a night, then try to scrub off the scent the next morning. It’s not fun to give up the goods, thinking they’ll like you more, to only find out that they life you less or didn’t like you at all. It’s not fun to give up your body to someone who has no idea how to treat you the next day, let alone for the rest of your life.

I was getting in bed with my Mr. the other night and I just laid on his chest and EXHALED. The comfort in knowing he isn’t going anywhere made me feel amazing in those few seconds. See I’ve realized that with your spouse, you can go to the club, dance the night away, maybe even have a few drinks… but the difference is that you don’t have to CONVINCE or CON your spouse to come home with you. Honey at the end of the night, you KNOW where they’re going and when you wake up in the morning, you don’t regret ANYTHING you did. You can go home, kick off your shoes, take off your clothes, and act a FOOL, and be able to LET GO and EXHALE.

I don’t care what anyone says. When you’re just sleeping around with random people, you can never be your full self. There’s always some part in you that holds back because you never want to give it all away. You never want to fully let go and act a fool, but also get attached and be in the moment. In marriage, there are no bars, no restraints, no nothing. You can mentally, physically, and emotionally get involved with the person you’re ONE with. There will be times you’ll want to almost be their skin just so you can be so close to them. WHEW!! (LMBO)

There is nothing like the security of knowing you don’t have to scan the dance floor and find a victim so you won’t be alone that night. There’s nothing like not having to regret and repent for what you did that night. There’s nothing like real love… true love. Lust can seem like love because it’s temporarily the replacement for love…until lust reveals its true self.

To all my single folk, this post is not to tell you to stop having fun, but it is to inform you that there is something better for you out there. You don’t have to keep living your life from night to night, trying to find the “One” or whatever the next best thing is. You don’t have to keep crying yourself to sleep thinking about the shameful things you did. You don’t have to keep trying to fill that void of loneliness by empty nights of sex with someone you don’t even know and possibly might not ever know. Don’t let the movies get you confused. Sex does not always reveal love… point blank. You’re not going to make love that night and then fall in love holding each other, and then be hooked for the rest of your life.

It’s time to be free from all those empty nights and shameful feelings because they aren’t doing anything but hurting you more when it’s time to be alone… trust me, I’ve been there and it’s not fun… AT ALL.

Start to take better care of yourself and set higher standards for yourself. Having trouble? Pray about it… that’s what I did. I still messed up at times. Still had sex before marriage. It’s hard to give up and let go of… I know. But you can do it. 🙂

~The Mrs.

The Newlywed Experience- Segment 5: “Turning It Off”

Awkward Title? I thought so too, but I didn’t want it to be too long or you’d get tired of reading.

This segment is about turning off the “Being Seen/Flirty/I Hope He or She Notices Me” vibe. It’s that mindset you go into when you walk into a place and you look good or even look pretty decent. You walk into a party or an after hours place and you see people looking and staring and you think “I wonder if I should say something” or “I wonder if he’ll speak”, but then realize “Oh man, I’m married.” Of course you don’t say it in a solemn or angry manner (at least I hope not), but you have to check yourself. Even if they did approach you, you’d have to say those great, two words “I’m Married.” For me, my mind has been the most complicated thing to deal with when it comes to me being married. My mind knows I’m married, but at times it still reverts back to old thinking and old habits. When I was single, I would walk in a room and think about how cute the guys were and of course wonder “Could he be my husband?” Don’t FRONT!! Majority if not all women think along those lines. We’re always wondering if the man who walks in the door could be Mr. Right. I mean who doesn’t want that wonderful love story to come into existence instead of it being a dream we constantly have?

I did this not too long ago. See when I was single, I was always looking about to see who might be looking. See I had a whole flirt plan!

  1. Enter room and look no one in the eye. (This is so you don’t single anyone out too soon.)
  2. Sit down and then catch random glances to see who might be looking. (Don’t look too often, you’ll look thirsty. Lol)
  3. When you see a cute guy who might be looking, look his way, but not at him directly. (This is to check him out without checking him out and to not look thirsty to get his attention.)
  4. When you catch him looking again, be sure to look him in the eyes, but then look away. (This is to tease a little, but to let him know that you’ve seen him look at you for the second time.)
  5. When you catch him again, look him in the eyes to let him know you see him looking and smile. (The smile gets him. It lets him know that you’ve acknowledged him looking for the third time and that you’re possibly interested in having a conversation.)

Crazy right? But it worked.

But now when I walk into a room alone or even with my Mr. I have to catch myself at step number two. I usually look no one in the eye anyways. I can’t look around to see who might be looking my way because I’m married. See some people think it’s okay to flirt around as long as you don’t let it get too far. That may be okay for YOU, but for me, it’s not. Flirting leads people on. If you’ve announced that you’re married already to someone and still flirt, that could give off the vibe that your marriage isn’t secure in some places and it’s possible for anyone to come in and fill them. Even if you haven’t told them you’re married, internally what does that say about how you feel about your marriage.

So I’ve learned to turn IT off when I get into a room and the “Old Me” starts itching to come back a little. It may be hard at first, but as long as I’ve got my Mr.’s eyes in the room and he’s checking me out, telling me I look good, and romancing me a little, forget flirting with strangers. At least I KNOW who I’m going home with. I don’t have to try and get someone to come over that night or sleep with someone random and tell them to leave in the morning. I’ve got a secure little Sumthin Sumthin who I KNOW is going home with me 🙂

~The Mrs.