The One Man

The One Man by Allyson R.

He Loves Me

How Can I Tell?

It’s obvious

Listen to how He talks to me

He speaks of a love

That I’ve never known before

And will never know

Without Him around

His words are so genuine

I know they’re the truth

How?

I have evidence

I remember the lies that were told to me

I remember the promises spoken to me

I remember the love I thought I had

And I compare it

I compare it to His truth

I compare it to the unbroken vows

I compare it to the love I know I have

That’s how I know

He’s the one man that I can depend on

He’s the one man that has never broken my heart

He’s the one man that’s never had to explain Himself

I’ve never had to question His love for me

His actions speak volumes

Compared to the smaller things done

After one special event

I knew He was the One

With 3 nails

1 Cross

He created a 4 ever for us

And it continues daily

I mess up

I ignore Him

I don’t talk to Him for a while

But He still Loves me

It’s a love I need

It’s one I know I can depend

It will always exist

It is always present

I can’t escape it

I can’t shake it

I can’t tell Him to stop

Because He won’t

He loves me

And I love Him

He’ll always be

The One Man

Advertisements

Think Before You Act!

A few days ago, I posted a status on Facebook that said “Stop doing it now so you don’t have to explain it later.” I can’t remember exactly what was on my mind at the time, but this quote was inspired by some of the dumb and ridiculous things people are doing that they will eventually have to end up explaining.

Example: Today a sex tape was released by some reality star named Mimi. This is dumb and ridiculous. Why?

1) She has a child. She will eventually have to explain to her child why she did what she did. Not only will she have to explain why she did it, but will have to explain to her daughter why she shouldn’t do it. Now the child has to go to school facing shame because her friends and majority of the world has seen her mother naked and having sex all over the internet, which doesn’t go away unfortunately.

2) She won’t be able to shake the stereotype that is now placed on her. She can say whatever she wants to, call everybody a hater and say that they’re all jealous, when deep down she’s going to regret what she did because of everything that comes with it.

People everywhere are making dumb and ridiculous decisions every day that they aren’t prepared to explain… and it’s not just famous people, it’s the everyday people too. Women posting pictures of their half-naked bodies out her twerking and drunk, not realizing that one day they’ll be married with a child, who could easily Google their mother’s name and find all of them. Men out here posting pictures with stacks of cash, guns, alcohol, and women, not realizing that one day they’ll want to be married and will have to explain all their foolishness on the internet. Then when their children grow up and take after their parents, the parents will tell them no. What gives you the right when you were out here doing it too?

STOP DOING IT NOW SO YOU WON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT LATER!

Your future spouse and children WILL ask questions about the things they see and hear about you. What you do now could be a determining factor when it comes to your spouse saying “Yes” and “I Do”! The twerking and partying and drunk nights seem like fun now, but when you have to sit down and explain it to someone, it’s not FUN anymore. When I went on the first date with my husband, I had to tell him everything… and why. It wasn’t easy to admit that I had slept around and partied and other stupid things. To this day I wish I hadn’t done some of those things because I know it made it hard on him at first to look past my past and see that I was a different woman.

This stuff and fake fame and glory is NOT WORTH IT! Look towards the future and not just the present, “feel good” moments. It is simply not worth it.

~The Mrs.

The New OCD: Obsessive Comparison Disorder

If you haven’t already read her blog on the Huffington Post website, I’m sure you soon will. J.N. Salters has a new blog post called “My 20s Weren’t Supposed to Be Like This: Getting Through the Quarter-Life Crisis”. She gives us a brief insight into what 25 looks like (an age I’ll be hitting this mid-July). Basically it sucks in so many words (lol) She mentions something that stuck out to me called the new OCD- Obsessive Comparison Disorder. Crazy right? Too bad majority of us have it… including me.

OCD- Obsessive Comparison Disorder is a term coined by Paul Angone from his book “101 Secrets For Your Twenties” to describe “our compulsion to constantly compare ourselves with others, producing unwanted thoughts and feelings that drive us into depression, consumption, anxiety and all-around discontent. It encourages us to stay up late on Facebook pouring through all 348 pictures of our frenemies’ “My Life is Better Than Yours” album, and then it sends us to bed wondering why we feel so anxious.” (Angone, 2013; Read More…) Sound familiar?

Now of course I’ve already written about this in a previous blog (Read Here), but after reading Salters’ blog, I felt the need to talk about it again, but this time offer suggestions on a home remedy for this disorder that is causing us to:

1) Feel depressed about our own lives

2) Cause gaps and separation within our relationships with people

3) Discourage ourselves before we even start

4) Causing us to shop and spend money we don’t have and eat food we don’t need, to only turn around and feel bad about ourselves again when we see our friend in a two piece bathing suit or wearing a fitted shirt that we wouldn’t dare try to wear because of our Santa bellies

Home remedy #1: Take A Hiatus from Social Media: I just got back from a Social Media Hiatus for a month and it felt great because I wasn’t somewhere self-torturing myself looking at everyone else! Trust me, the world is not going to fall apart if they don’t know every thing you’re doing and eating. Your friends will not die if they don’t know what you had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. YOU will not die if you don’t tell the world your opinion on the dress you saw this woman wearing at Wal-Mart. When I took a break, I noticed that I didn’t care as much about stuff as I did when I felt the need to update on social media.

Home remedy #2: Celebrate Others: Now I don’t mean be fake and make yourself happy for someone. I think one of our issues as people is that we don’t celebrate other’s accomplishments, but choose to get angry because we aren’t where they are. Then we find the flaws in their accomplishments to make ourselves feel better. STOP! It’s okay that he/she got engaged. Maybe she was ready for that. If someone gave you a ring today, you might not be ready! It’s great that she got a new job… but that’s her job! You have your own job! You have your own life! I’ve learned that I cannot desire someone else’s life because I don’t know what they went through to get it and that maybe if I press myself a little further, I could get one too! Just be HAPPY for people!

Home remedy #3: Celebrate Yourself: Yes, this is something that we don’t do enough for ourselves. No one is saying to brag and be conceited. But I am saying that you should take joy in what you’ve done. You’ve made it over some humps in your life. You’ve fought through some battles and you’ve WON! That is a reason to celebrate. YOU are something to celebrate. You’ve made it to places in your life you probably never dreamed of. Celebrate YOU! Don’t down play the person you’ve become or the accomplishments you’ve made because you’re not someone else…. Celebrate what you’ve done and keep going.

Home remedy #4: Work on Loving Yourself: We have to work on our own insecurities. It goes beyond the external things, but deals with the internal as well. We begin to define ourselves according to what others have that we don’t. People use the same old slogan “the grass is greener on the other side”… but my pastor use to say “your grass would be greener too if you watered and took care of it!” The more you work on loving everything about you, including your weight, your pimples, your hair, your skin tone, your style and your mind, the less you feel the need to compare yourself because you realize that you are something great and unique.

You were made that way on purpose 🙂

~The Mrs.

The Constant Comparison… JUST BE YOU!

Why do we compare ourselves to others? Why do we sit around on FaceBook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., just to compare our lives to someone else’s life/looks/income/accomplishments/etc.? Why do we torture ourselves, where we constantly call ourselves failures because someone else is living “the life”?

I had to ask myself these questions yesterday as I sat up on Instagram viewing pictures of other young ladies who were “living the life”. Look gorgeous, go out all the time with friends, great jobs, popular, you name it, they had it. In the midst of looking at them, it made me look at myself and begin to compare who I was to who they were. Questions and statements began to flood my mind. “She’s so pretty. She’s prettier than me. Look at how many people like her pictures in comparison to mine. What does she have that I don’t? Why can’t I look like that? What could I do to look like that? What did she do that I didn’t do? Is it too late for me to not do that? She has it all, what do I have? Maybe I’m a failure and she’s successful.” Then the judgmental and prideful thoughts come about. “Well I’m married, and she sleeps around. She probably doesn’t like herself. She probably uses all that makeup to cover-up how ugly she really is on the inside. She probably hates herself. She isn’t submitted to God and I am, so I shouldn’t envy her. She has to search for men to like her and I’m married.”

Yeah it’s horrible I know, but please don’t act like I’m the only one. Whenever we see someone doing better than us, these questions and many more flood our minds. We put ourselves down, but then to build ourselves back up, we put them down in our minds. I KNOW I’m not the only one who does it, but I’ll go ahead and be the first one to speak up about it.

For the next 10min, I sat sulking and comparing myself to this young lady. I found almost everything I could about her that made me suck. Then I searched for everything about her that made me better than her, just to make me feel better and heal some of the wounds I had just given myself. It’s like mentally I became a cutter in that moment. I didn’t like me for that moment because she was better than me. How many times do you sit up on these social networks just to see how much better someone is than you are? How much prettier someone is… how much more money a person has… how better off someone is. We do the same things watching television as we watch reality TV shows, and aspire to be like them because we’re unsatisfied with our own lives and we’d rather sit around and mope about it than do something with it.

Why do we choose to torture ourselves with comparison? One that self-degrades us and makes us feel horrible about who we are. No wonder we can’t find confidence in ourselves, we end up being the ones that break ourselves down. You don’t ever find yourself attractive because you find everyone else attractive, and because you don’t have what they have, you deem yourself ugly, or do everything in your power to look like them in some way, shape, or form so you can feel attractive. You were tighter clothing, you wear flashier name brands, you put 0n more make-up, wear more revealing clothing, and become a completely different person than who you started out to be. We’d rather be admired as someone else, than truly loved for who we really are.

So many of us, including myself are afraid to be US. We see the reactions when we put a little bit of the real “US” out there, and when it’s not taken a nicely as we would like, we hide it again. When the real “US” doesn’t get as much attention or recognition, we put on another face. We act as if we’re in a costume shop, trying on different masks and asking people which one they like best. We become different people for different surroundings so the different surroundings can like us, then at the end of the day, we glance in the mirror and wonder who we are.

Society makes us believe that being who you want to be is wrong. We’re supposed to be who SOCIETY wants us to be, so we can be shaped and molded by their hands instead of the hands that made us from the beginning, which is God of course 😉 We allow people who don’t even know us or care to know us to shape our very being into someone we don’t really want to be. Majority of us don’t want to be party girls or alcoholics or sleep around, we want to have sustaining relationships and keep our purity and innocence, but because society deems that as lame or because we feel as if we’re not worthy of it, we just give it all away and let society do the shaping.

We’re afraid to be ourselves because we’ll lose friends and lovers and no one will understand. That’s very true. Many people will not want to learn about the real you, including the friends you have today. Many won’t want to put forth the extra effort to learn who you really are and many won’t like the real you. But there will be people who love the real you. Who cherish the real you. Who don’t want you to be anything else but yourself because who you are is who they love. I’m a witness that there will be people who will love the real 100% you. My husband was one of the first. He didn’t judge me on who I was, didn’t require me to be something I wasn’t, but simply fell in love with Allyson, and no one else. It was hard for me to express who I really was to others for a while. Many people got shut out because when I did try to show a glimpse of the real me, it was immediately shut down because they were use to the masks I had put on for so long. Many people will prefer the mask over the real you. It will hurt, but it’s only for your good.

There will always be someone you think is prettier than you. There will always be someone you think is better than you, smarter than you, more successful than you… But that’s them. That’s their road and their life.

You were fearfully and wonderfully designed to be you and no one else. Learn and mature to the place that you not compare beauty, but appreciate it. You appreciate someone else’s success instead of making it about you and what you’re not doing…. and if you know you’re not doing anything… then do something about it! Society teaches us to be jealous and to always strive to be better than someone else. But what about appreciating someone else’s work and success and using it as a positive influence for you to work harder at who YOU are to get to the places YOU are destined to be in.

There will NEVER be another you. No one can do the things YOU can do. They can try, but it will never be a great as it is when YOU do it. They can give the same speech, but it won’t be as effective if it doesn’t come from you… and vice versa. Stop trying to be someone you’re not because you won’t be successful at it. You can’t make an android phone an iPhone… period. You will always fail at trying to be something you’re not. It may seem successful and may get you pretty far… but you’ll never be a better someone else. That person will always be better at being them than you’ll ever be. You’ll never be able to get their makeup right, their hair right, their life right because it’s NOT YOURS. GET YOUR OWN LIFE AND LOVE IT! APPRECIATE IT!

BE THE BEST YOU YOU CAN BE!!

~The Mrs.

The Evolution of You

The Evolution of Me

The Evolution of Me

Hello All!!!

As you can see above, these are picture of me from over a span of 23 years and counting. From high school to this past Saturday, the 16th of February. I’ve had so many different looks, styles, along with different weights and levels of confidence.

I decided to do this Sunday. Why you may ask? I glanced at the picture of me from Saturday, and was amazed and shocked by how different I now looked. I wasn’t the old Allyson, I was someone different. All these changes indicate different moments and phases in my life. From depression, to self-hate, to low self esteem, to far away from God, to closer to God… the list goes on. Many of these pictures show an low level of confidence in who I was. It may not show it very clear, but I didn’t like me. I didn’t like who I had become. I didn’t like not knowing who I was. I didn’t like not being able to get a firm understanding in who Allyson was.

As I stared at this Evolution of Me, I realized that I’ve really changed. From the top left corner to the bottom right, I’ve been so many people inside of one being. It’s funny how we KNOW that we’ve changed, but never really see the apparent change in real life. Yes we look in the mirror and notice that some things have changed and some things haven’t, but we always feel like we’re looking at the same person every time we look into the mirror. But when we go back and organize in a timeline picture of ourselves, we can really begin to see the change, not just physically, but we can mentally go to that place in time and see remember who we were.

Looking at this collection of memories is bittersweet. It makes me look at some photos and wonder “Who was I? Why did I do that?”, but then I see the progression to who I am now, and I can point and say “That’s Me.” Of course they’re all me physically… but mentally, emotionally, spiritually… that woman in the bottom left corner… that’s me.

My husband challenged me so I’m going to challenge you as well. He said it would be great if I could write letters to the different “Allyson’s” in the pictures from who I am now to see what I’d say. So I’m going to start today. I’m sure there will be a lot of tears, laughter, moments of reminisce, and moments of sadness. To write to these different people above means being honest with them as well as comforting them in the time period where they reside. No it won’t be pretty… but I’ll be able to come to a close on who I was and who I have grown to be now. I’ll be able to bridge the past and present together, instead of forcing them to be separate entities. All these women about are me, no matter how embarrassing and how angry I am with them, they’re me and I have to face them.

I pray that as you do the same, you see yourself and how much you’ve grown, as well as common factors to keep you grounded in the essence and the understanding of who you are and what components make YOU up. If you cry, it’s okay. If you smile, it’s okay. If you rip up the letter, it’s okay. But face who you once were and introduce her to who you are now. If who you are now is the same as who you were, then you have a choice to either stay the same or change. The choice is yours.

~The Mrs.

P.S. Don’t forget to check out the new website!!!

frommiss2mrs1.wix.com/frommiss2mrs

I pray you guys love it!!!